THE RAMONA RAT STORY
by KC and DanKitti
It was a sad Tuesday for Ramona Rat. She had gone to the market to buy some cheese and had slipped in a puddle of spilt spaghetti sauce that hadn't been wiped up. Now Ramona had a bright orange stain on her beautiful white peddle pushers that she had recently spent her rainy day money on. As if this wasn't enough, she had to go to a special dinner in honor of Hayley Mills, and she didn't have time to change.
"Oh, kaplooey," thought Ramona. "What would Charles Nelson Reilley do at a time like this?" At that moment, there was a big cloud of smoke, sparks, and some spacey theremin music. When the cloud of dust cleared, Charles Nelson Reilley appeared before Ramona and spoke.
"Dear child of rat-infested fate
Summoned unto the darkest night
Fear not the impending condundrum.
It is but a dawn unto the bewildered,
And the transgressions of a lesser archetype
Shall be as thus."
When Charles Nelson Reilley stopped talking, he waved his hand in the air, a huge wind came up, lights all over flickered on and off, there was a flash of light, and Ramona was transported to a strange and alien universe.
There was a green sun in a purple sky, trees of about seventy to eighty feet, and giant monsters in the shape of toasters. Everyone had TVs they carried around with them, and everyone was watching the Hayley Mills Channel.
"Gosh," thought Ramona Rat. This isn't quite what I wanted to happen. At least I know what Charles Nelson Reilley would do."
Ramona thought for awhile and all of a sudden an idea came to her.
"Oh, kablooey!" Ramona thought to herself. "I wonder what Zsa Zsa Gabor would do?"
At that moment, there was a big cloud of smoke, but before any sparks could appear, Charles Nelson Reilley made a sign with his hand, and the cloud of smoke disappeared.
"No way is Zsa Zsa Gabor going to be on this planet. The last time she was here, she had a party where she served only hard boiled eggs. We spent months cleaning up all the egg shells!"
Ramona felt trapped in Charles Nelson Reilley's universe until she realized the solution to her problem was being revealed on the Hayley Mills Channel.
She watched as Hayley was trapped on a planet where it was snowing green snow, and the green snow was getting all over her white down coat, turning it green. In the movie, Hayley had to get to a dinner in honor of the King of Plutonia. She clicked her heels together and said, "There's no place like Plutonia." and was immediately transported to the dinner. Everyone admired her green down coat, and asked where they could get one just like it.
This seemed easy enough, but when Ramona tried it, she ended up in a strange amusement part called Haleyland. Ramona was standing in line for the Bumper Hayley Cars, but also noticed the Hayley Coaster, the Haunted Hayley House, and like so.
"Oh, kaflooey," said Ramona, "I wonder what Ed McMahon would do?"
Just then, there was a beam of light, and when the beam of light disappeared, Ed McMahon stood before Ramona and handed her an envelope.
"Oh, goodie!" said Ramona. "I won the House of Publishing Clearers Sweepstakes!"
"No, not quite," McMahon said, "But you do get this coupon for Alpine Dog Food."
Immediately, Allen Funt removed what was really an Ed McMahon mask and told her she was on "Candid Camera." Charles Nelson Reilley, Hayley Mills, and Zsa Zsa Gabor landed nearby in a spaceship and started singing "Happy Birthday to You", while the Chippenrat Dancers, a male rat striptease dance group, entertained her and everyone else at Hayleyland.
Ramona seemed unable to remember if it really was her birthday, but decided it was her best birthday ever, just the same.
