Letters To My Past

Chapter 1

This story is a standalone and is in letter format, in which the protagonist writes her dead boyfriend a letter every year on his birthday, telling him about what's going on in her life and how it could have been different if he had been around. Enjoy!!!! 

Scott,

I thought about you a lot oday, when I walked across the stage and grabbed that diploma. I though of how dashing you would look in the cap and gown, how we would having graduation parties and reminisce all of our woes and triumphs throughout high school while downing bottles on bottles of grey goose in Clancy's basement.

Sometimes, I think that I am going to wake up and this will all just be a dream that I would see you next to my locker and you would kiss me good morning, we would walk to AP calc together and after school I would makeup an exam to study for, but I would just end up in your bed while your mom was working a nightshift at the hospital and your dad was doing a merger in a different country and your little brother... fast asleep.

She's always so sad you know, your mom, I've always thought that she was the greatest women I had ever met, she had a great career as a surgeon, a picture perfect family but now, she seems so broken. You might not realize this Scott, but you took a a part of her to the grave, that strong, confident smile is gone, replaced by a blank, melancholy stare, her bones stick out of cheeks, making her look ten years older. You did this to her Scott, she was never like this when you were here. 

Anyway, today is the first time in our entire lives that I haven't been able to give you a big hug on your birthday... Because you decided that you didn't need to be in our lives in anymore. My therapist wanted me to write a letter to you every year on your birthday and "inform" you about my life as a "coping" strategy.

We were best friends Scott, practically came out of the womb together and then "high school sweatheart" but honestly, I don't know what those words mean if you didn't trust or care about me enough to tell me about your demons. I could have helped you, and when you got through it we would go to college. I'm going to UCLA for college! You wanted to go there, plus I wanted to get as far the hell away from this shitshow as I could. My mom thinks that because you killed yourself I will too. I mean can you believe that women, I have DREAMS. But the again, I thought that you did too. 

I don't think that I could love anyone the way I loved you Scott. But anyone I guess I'll write to you again, this time next year to help me "cope" as Dr Shah calls it.