Be My Wings <Destiel>

Ch-3 Will Soon Be Flying

All I think about is Castiel. His voice. His crystal eyes of blue. His messy black hair. Every aspect of his lengthy body. His image is stuck in my head, like the bubblegum under the desks in every classroom.

He's probably forgotten about me. We had, after all, only spoken once. I'd made up my mind to push the thoughts of him away. Unless he talks to me, I ignore him.

That day I went home after school, to find dad passed out on the couch. God he was such an idiot.

He didn't have a steady job, he doesn't take care of his two children that need him, and every day all he does is drink. And I hate him.

I feel like dosing him with an icy cold bucket of water, but instead I head to the kitchen to get myself a pop.

"Dean?" I hear the voice of my younger brother Sammy from upstairs.

"Yeah, Sammy?"

The footsteps coming down the stairs indicate that he's on his way to see me.

"Um, I was wondering...could you pick me up at the library tomorrow? I'm meeting my friend Gabriel there so we can study and work on a project," Sammy says with an uncertainty I can barley hear.

I wonder if he thinks I'd tell him that school is a waste of time, or that he had to take up the "family business" as dad calls it.

But, when I tell him I would pick him and Gabriel up from school and drive them there, he lights up like a Christmas tree.

"Great!!!" And with that, Sammy races back up that stairs.

I, on the other hand, head down to the basement and stare at what I've been waiting to do for months.

I look at the belt. I imagine wrapping it around my neck like a noose, and hanging it from the ceiling. Letting myself fall, feeling my breathing stop, letting the world stand still.

I look at the pen and the paper I specially reserved for my note. I know Dad would read it, and toss it away. I have no idea how Sammy would feel. Most of his family would be gone, but I know he'd pull through.

I wonder if God, if there is a God, would send me to Heaven or to Hell. It doesn't matter. Anywhere is better than here.

And then I'd soon be flying.