The Final Thoughts Of Amane Misa

(MAJOR SPOILERS FOR DEATH NOTE BELOW!

This story is meant to interpret the last thoughts of Misa Amane before she commits suicide. It is strongly implied that Misa did commit suicide, it is highly implied in the ending credits of Death Note episode 37 (shown here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NMlLohNS9E0), and her listed date of death in Death Note Volume 13 Chapter 110: How To Read. However, you are free to interpret Misa's death however you wish to.

The song featured in the story is sung by Misa in Episode 25.

EDIT: Between the description and story, Yagami's name alternates from Light to Raito. This is because Light is pronounced as Raito in Japanese. Just to clear that up!)

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How many days had he been gone?

I had lost count weeks ago.

I would have done anything to bring him back.

I would have done anything...to at least be able to say goodbye, one last time.

I lied perfectly still on my bed. I felt absolutely nothing anymore. Numbness was truly all that remained in me. Yagami Raito, the only person I had loved, and cared for, the only thing I wanted...it must have been over a year ago since he passed. January 28th, the date was burned into my brain.

It felt cliche. I mean, just a year and a bit ago, I was an up-and-coming, outgoing model, as I'd been described. And I'd been reduced to nothing but an underweight, dead looking statue after Raito had passed on. I didn't care. I hated myself, and I hated everything around me. People offered their sympathy for a while, but now all I get is a "Misa, you're 25, you need to get over him!"

It's not that easy. I wish it was.

I stood up stiffly. I felt like a robot. I glanced at the calender across my room.

February 14th, 2011.

The day had finally come.

I slowly shifted through a dresser drawer, and found the outfit I had chosen. It was a black and white lacy gothic lolita dress, with matching laced socks, black shoes, and a black and white laced headband. I relucantly slid the dress over my aching body. It felt so much larger, but it was understandable. I hadn't weighed that much prior to Raito's...death, but now...

But I couldn't focus on that. It would be done soon.

I slipped the headband onto my head, and tied my honey-blonde hair up in my two small signature pigtails. I applied excessive makeup to my face - eyeshadow and eyeliner, mascara, blush, lipstick, and adorning my fingers with rings...I looked like a doll. An underfed doll. But it didn't matter.

Pulling the laced socks over my feet and up to my knees, and slipping on the black shoes, I stood up. But I had realized I'd forgotten something. The note, of course.

I took out a piece of paper from a notepad on my desk, and neatly wrote out the note. I'd thought it over in my head a thousand times before.

"To whom it may concern, be you a friend, a fan, or a supporter.

By the time you've found this note, I will most likely be far away. I'm sorry for having to do this, but I can't take it anymore. I'm not even living. There's no point in me sticking around if all I ever do is sit in my room and either cry or sleep. I'm sorry. I'd much rather be with Raito than anything else.

I'd like to apologize to anyone I've gotten angry at within the past year...I hope you can find it in you to forgive my spirit.

Misa Amane, age 25."

Setting the note on my kitchen table, I took a deep breath, before exiting my house with slight hesitation. Was I truly ready for this?

I didn't know.

But I would try anyways.

I walked to the train station, which was only a few blocks away from my house. Luckily. If I'd been stopped, I wouldn't have even known what to say. I paid to board the train, sitting near the door. Thank god the train cart was almost empty.

The train took me far out, farther to my resting place. It halted at my stop, and I gracefully stepped off. My eyes were void of life.

I probably did look like a doll.

Take care, God is watching you.

In the dark streets of the night, please hold his hand.

I carefully put one foot in front of the other, stepping carefully down the street.

Even if I'm on my own, far away,

He will always find me.

Children ran down the walkway, laughing as they passed by me.

He tells me all I know, and even if I forget,

He tells me time and time again.

I crossed the street, approaching the tall building in front of me. I climbed the stairs, slowly and carefully.

But what will I do once I've learned everything? 

I stood on the edge. No one else around...no one below to stop me.

I'd heard the place people go when they die is nothingness. If that's true, I hope Raito is there.

Even though I'd doubt it, I hope he's waiting for me.

Maybe he's lonely.

I don't want Raito to be lonely.

I gazed at the lovely sunset, every colour melting into the next. It would be the last time I'd ever see it.

I savored the brilliant light, as I closed my eyes softly. I leaned forward, and felt myself falling.

It wasn't even a bad feeling. I felt successful. I had done it. And soon, I would be free of this life.

Maybe I'll be reborn?

Maybe I'll stay with Raito forever?

I don't know, but soon, I'll find out.

Raito-kun...I'm coming.