"i hide my true feelings because in actuality i'm scared of rejection"

"just hold me, vega"

I'm scared. Me. Jade West. I am fucking terrified is a much better way of explaining how scared i actually am. And nothing scares me. Not even when me and Beck broke up for what seems like the millionth time now... but this actually scares me. What am I talking about? I have the biggest crush on Tori Vega. Wait, that's not accurate enough. I am madly. Deeply. Heartbreaking and achingly in love with her. And that scares me because I've treated her so badly in the time I've known her. But yet, every time i try to push her away, she keeps coming back to me. Not that I'm complaining, of course.. it's just every time I want to express my true feelings, I end up insulting her and kicking myself for it. God, why does she do this to me...

One day, I was just at my house watching television and I heard a knock at my door.

"I swear to God, Trina if that's you again, I'll get my scissors and-"

To my surprise, it wasn't Trina, but I really, really wished it was..

"T-Tori? What are you doing here?"

Tori said nothing and just walked in and sat down. Did I do something wrong? I hope not..

"Jade. Sit down. We need to talk."

Fuck, that's not a good sign.. 

"About what?" I tried to keep my composure, but my fear and anxiety was creeping up.. keep it together, Jade..

"You've been pushing me away and treating me like shit more often than not lately. I'm not going to lie, it fucking hurts. What's going on?"

Shit... i knew this would come back to bite me in the ass sooner than later..

"You're imagining things. I haven't been treating you any differently than before." Okay, that was a lie.

"Bullshit. If you won't come clean, I'll just sit here until you're willing to talk."

That wasn't so bad, was it..? 

"I don't really care what you do, Vega."

Really digging that hole deep, aren't you...

"I know you don't, West. But like I said, I'm not leaving."

About an hour passed and Tori fell asleep on my lap, snoring lightly. Poor girl... I stayed up flipping through channels before my eyes gave up and i slept on the couch which my neck would regret in the morning..

The next day, lo and behold, Tori kept her word and stayed over. She was persistent, I'll give her that. 

"Tori.. you know.. you don't have to stay here.." 

Tori poured herself coffee and sat at my table.

"I'll leave when you tell me what the hell's been going on between you and I."

Nothing yet..

"I have absolutely no idea what you're going on about."

Tori smirked.

"And that. Is why I'm not leaving this house."

I sat on the opposite side of the table trying not to stare at her. Which was impossible.

"T-Tori, I.."

Tori then got up and sat on the couch. This girl was driving me insane inside... I just wanted to grab her and kiss her until the world stopped. I just sighed and sat with her.

"I can't take this anymore, okay.."

Tori looked at me with a serious look on her face and put her coffee down. As soon as she saw me crying, shit got real fast..

"Talk to me." 

I just sighed.

"i like you, Tori. A lot, and it scares me because I haven't been showing it.." 

Tori smiled lightly.

"Why didn't you just tell me. We could've just talked it out instead of this whole mess." 

I just sat my head in my hands, not even bothering to wipe my tears. I wanted to bare my feelings to her.. 

"I was scared, Vega.. The whole Beck thing fucked me up... i just hide my true feelings because in actuality i'm scared of rejection... I needed someone to confide in and I just kept pushing you away instead of letting you in.." 

Tori hugged me lightly, kissing my forehead. I blushed a little. 

"You know you can always come talk to me, Jade. I know we've had our differences in the past, but I'm always going to be there for you." 

Stop, Tori... you're making me red..

"Aw, look, you're blushing!"

Damn you, you sexy bitch..

"I want to kiss you so fucking bad just to get you to shut the fuck up, Vega." 

Now Tori's blushing. 

"Are your lips really as soft as you claim them to be?"

I see what she was doing. And it was working.

"Why? You want to find out, Vega?" 

Tori smirked like she did before, this time leaning closer.

"Yeah, actually I do. And I have been for a very long time. I'm in love with you, Jade."

I blushed harder. 

"Bold, are we?"

"Oh, shut the fuck up, West.."

Tori leaned in and kissed me like no one's ever kissed me before. Not like Beck did, anyway.. Tori's lips weren't rough like his... i guess the rumor that girls have soft lips were true... I didn't want her to stop, in fact, i wanted more..

I slipped a hand under her shirt and pulled her down to my chest, heating up the kiss. But as much as I wanted her all to myself, I wanted to take this slow.. I was still anxious and scared i would push her away with my advances. I broke out of the kiss..

"Vega... I want you to be my girlfriend... but... I don't want to scare you away... my hormones are raging right now, and I don't want to go too fast.." 

Tori nodded.

"Whatever you want to do, Jade. I'll support you all the way. What do you want to do right now?"

"just hold me, vega.." 

And we fell asleep in each other's arms. 

To Be Continued..