Rain On Me

Chapter 1

Sometimes in life you make decisions that hurt you just to protect your loved ones.

Nights are scary for even though the darkness is alluring, the calm that it carries with it is what I hate the most. The calmness of night is almost frightening. Outside my window I can hear the wind knocking on the glass panes of the wooden frame window. Inside my heart beating rapidly and my head echoing with those hollow consolations of theirs.
I can hear the peaceful breathing of my brother laying asleep on the adjacent bed and for a flicker of seconds I wonder why are we so different despite having so many similarities. My mind races back to the time we used to play together. I still remember him racing to me flaunting his swollen eyelid  with  childish excitement in his voice telling me how a bee created that painful looking swollen tuft. He was smiling so wide that I wondered if he really felt the pain. Everybody was praising him for his bravery but from what I saw he wasn't really in pain. It was only when I saw him crying later in the evening I realised how brave that tiny creature was for enduring the pain for so long with a smile. Then another summer evening memory flashed in my mind, the one that I want to forget with all my strength and a thought rushed in my head. Will they praise me too if they ever get to know what all I endured with smile, all these years? Will my efforts be acknowledged as well? Will it even be considered a sacrifice or just my responsibility? Am I really exaggerating my mere responsibility as a huge sacrifice I made at the cost of my childhood?

My breathing got heavy and limbs started trembling, I could feel it coming. Summoning all my strength I waddled over to the bathroom with wobbly legs and scrambled on the bathroom floor. Staring at the ceiling I wondered if it was really worth it. Small droplets started descending down my cheeks and that insane urge to let it out took over me. I saw red trickling down my wrist and finally felt the numbness I was longing for. There wasn't any pain or tears, nothing and then the emptiness took over. Sniffling I got up to clean up my mess and returned to bed drowning in the emptiness.

However I could feel my granny's gaze at my back on my way back to bed.

Sometimes in life you make decisions that hurt you just to protect your loved ones, the question is do you really protect them or just hurt them more?