Dear Diary

So....(oct 24, 2018)

So I know that I promised updates every day(it's not like anyone reads this anyways) but I got distracted. I told Sophia about me liking her, I lost a BFF, I forgot to tell Antony that Sophia texted me about my swim coaches present but still won't actually talk to me(even now and this was almost three months ago), I lost a friend. I mean, he probably wasn't good for me anyway but he was the only one who ever listened to me. I just got so comfortable with him and he was always so supportive of me that I forgot about the very little that he had told me about his past. He had(or has???) depression and used to have suicidal thoughts. He also had a friend who tried to kill him. He just never talked about him it was always about me and my problems and so I forgot that he was fragile too. Luckily the swim season ended soon after that so that I stopped seeing those people who wouldn't talk to me every day.

I also came out to my other(former) friends, Sisi and Amy. They supported me.

After the swim season was over I went and spent a week at Nanny's(my maternal grandmother) house with sophia(it was less awkward after we worked through the whole 'I had a crush on her' thing) to go to a theatre camp near Nanny's house. It was amazing and I made so manny new friends. Who I didn't keep. Oh well. It was really fun anyway and I loved it.

After that I went to a camp where I was a camp councelor. It was super fun, with the only exception being the panic attack that I had while I was there. We were talking about how one of the other councelor a had been bullied really really badly when she lived in Britan. I was sorta also just starting to accept and remember when I was bullied in kindergarten and grade one. This lead to a vivid memory replay which lead to a panic attack(I was at our cabin with no campers around). That really sucked but the rest of the camp was awesome. Also, the other girls there were really hot. Especially this one named Catlyn. She ended up looking through my search history only for me to find out that I forgot to delete the BDSM test(I'm a sub& rope bunny mostly) from my history. She promised not to tell anyone though, so it's all good.

After the camp I came home and school started. I got to see Sam again. He's the nicest almost brother a girl could ask for. He's so understanding and patient with me. Super accepting too. The thing is, if I didn't view him as a brother I would totally date him. But I do. It's not a loss really because he's my defacto brother.

After getting back to school I discovered what a little is. Ten immediately went to Ontario to visit family. I missed so much homework but I'm not really almost caught up now so it's all good.

The visit to Ontario was amazing!! We arrived in the Hamilton airport and then had to drive to our motel in Niagra. It smelled sorta awful but I thought that sleeping in a motel was cool we then spent a bunch of time the next day at Niagara falls an on Clifton Hill. We ate the best poutine at a place called Smokies. It. Was. Delicious!!!!! If you ever go to Ontario, go to Smokies. You will not regret it. The next morning we took the country back roads rout to Oliphant. It was beautiful there. There are no words to describe it. Once we got to Oliphant we spent the rest of the weekend and thanksgiving there with Uncle Jake and Aunty Becky and a few of their friends. It was the best weekend ever. We then took more small villages to Toronto where we met a bunch of dad's friends and stayed there for the rest of the trip. Dad's friends all had really awesome kids. They were fun to hang out with. We also visited some cool stores my favourite two being the vintage clothing shop an the book store. Everything was super cool. When we came back I was overloaded with homework. I'm dead. Arrrrrrrrgggggggggg! I hate school!!! I also discovered that I'm a little. I'm actually writing all of this in little headspace so don't judge for grammar, spelling or just overall mistakes(if anyone ever reads this).

Also, Sam found out about my little space and is completely supportive. He's great. I'm mean, to be clear, he's not my caregiver or anything like that but he's still totally awesome.

Also, on the note of littles, I'm getting myself a paci so that I can finally get some proper sleep when I'm in little space. It so hard to sleep without something to suck on.

With all of this going on I was also trying to figure out who I am. I was having a gender identity crisis as none of the stereotypical genders were fitting me anymore and finally came up with it. In gender fluid. I haven't told anybody yet though. I'm sorta scared to.

I have finally managed to tire myself out. Goodnight!! Love you all!!!

Stay gold.