We know nothing about each other but names, a little overheard information, and personal judgement. He's that senior high boy who lives ten houses away from mine. That senior boy I adore for long and for the first time. First love, you must say. Make sense? Nope, it does not. But it's true, I feel it, even if I don't intend to.
The sight of him makes me tremble, uneasy.. conscious even. His eyes are the worst. The way his gaze unintentionally lock on mine and I can't help but alter. His eyes are more than intimidating. It's like a flame and I'm a moth fighting the urge to go near him.
And as I hold my breath, that boy held my hand. I can't help but bite the insides of my cheek as I feel my face heating up. His hand feels warm and rough, and damn good.
And a question hangs in the air, Why would he hold my hand when he can just leave it alone hanging in the air?
"As we forgive those who trespass against us.. hmmm" he sang praises and it sounds wonderful I would love to make it my ringtone. It's his voice I wondered for a long time. I never heard him sing, let alone speak whenever we're close. It's like he's afraid of blunting his voice around. Quite but noisy around friends. I see him laughing but I can't hear it, for I was only looking far.
The song dies as the pastor continues the ceremony. People let go of each other's hands, but not him. He held tight. And I wondered once again. As much as I feel the electricity flowing between us, I pulled my hand from his grip. But he's stronger, and he's smiling.
"Please, just for a minute." He pleaded for I don't understand why.
Communion came and as we fall in line, with me in front of him, he rests his hands on my waists. I can feel people's stares. I can feel them wondering.. questioning. And I too feels the same. Does he take this as an opportunity to flirt with me? Are we having some spark to kindle? What is he doing? Why so sudden?
I prayed in silence with him beside me. Kneeling and asking for forgiveness. I didn't focus on the mass but with the boy beside me. And I prayed I would have answers right after.
"The mass has ended, go in peace to love and serve the Lord."
I remained standing, waiting for an explanation. But he walks slowly and out of the little chapel of our school, leaving me hanging, leaving me with one hypothesis.
He has been dared. And he obliged. How foolish am I? I've been used. My thoughts were confirmed as our eyes met with only the window between us. He smiles and nods a little. You son of a bitch.
