Senior year 2018.
No regrets except a few yet it's to early for that.
My name Is Cass. Not going to change it there is no need to this is my story and you can't take away my own experiences from me. its my story to tell and my point of view. If you know me hey but do you really know me?
Part 1
It's October 26,2018 a quarter of the year has already passed. I've already applied to schools I don't really plan to attend I can't even get in because is I haven't taken my SAT or ACT. Personally I gave up carrying along time ago. I put on these layers upon layers of attitudes( mask as people like to say) such as: Everything's fine, I'm alright, Don't worry its okay etc. Yet ,a lot has happened this past summer with heartbreaks and break downs. Tears every night self image issues a few close calls of almost calling it quits as angels coming in rushing with different faces to save me. Yet here I am waiting for one to come back too me . Yea its been a year. As it is coming to a end I don't know where to began how do I tackle the summary of all the ups and downs. Well lets start with February.
The past few months were rough trying to stay happy when the one I admired the most was gone. He was the one who helped me deal with a lot of shit that was coming my way. He didn't know that his presence and words of wisdom is what helped me keep afloat. If not I would've drowned with hate. I loved him but he said it be best to part ways on the second day of that month it hurt but ill be alright. At least that's what I keep telling myself to this day o saw him as my Clyde. An yes I know bonnie and Clyde died, but they died together doing what they loved with who they loved. He was who I loved and still do. People said he probably changed but no I know him he was my other half I like to think . Although what if he changed and doesn't think of me what if I'm just annoying him with check up calls etc. all these what ifs.
Enough of that lets go to my second short burst of happiness. I honestly thought I'd get over my first love with this ray of "Sunshine" as I would call him yet all he brought was clouds and commotion. I De-Throned him from his almighty ego. I'll admit I felt bad instantly as I confessed my heartbreak to everyone who say my pain in a instant. He's a great guy but not for me as he said he lost all respect for me and he's entitled to glory when he wants. But I'm so tired of being seen as an object I'm so hurt by it. When guys and girls of your age just see you an think oh she's a wreck a mess a whore a slut shall I go on. No. I'm not. I just make bad decisions with the wrong guys I'm just naïve with my trust and body. I don't mean for anyone to look down upon me I don't like it. Yes I know I have my moments when I lash out and cant contain myself and let it all out. I'm HUMAN for the sake of the heavens what more do people want. I've already been through hell over and over again I got hurt I got used. I was broken. I made the mistake of trusting him believing that smile and that little chuckle when he was with me at his truck and we kissed felt like something from the movies but he broke my heart a week or so later. threw me aside as if I didn't exist as I was nothing. He used me he such a thing but its the truth he used me. He was upset I didn't say our act he was confused as to why I didn't wanna glorify it. An the answer is males get bravos for the act females get shamed. I was done with the shaming but he didn't see that he's always cared just for himself. Than this BOY had the balls to say he didn't like the fun yet he was the one to always want it and heads up don't sit in the backseats we made our marks there . sorry not sorry . High school I swear . Now got a new honey that's okay she was a rebound come on a week after me you have got to be kidding.
Now to my last little fling. He's kind of rude kind of funny. Yet wasn't for me we should've just stayed friends but we went to fast and fell to quick. Now he sits next to me I to him I can still call him a friend but he isn't my best friend like my first love. oh no. ugh I ain't even over him.
