Firefly || Raura

Chapter 49 - Broken firewall -Part 1

ROSS' POV

⚠️WARNING ⚠️

⚠️This chapter contains comments of abuse and suicide⚠️

-SONG: LOST BOYS By Ruth B. (Can be played while reading for effect.)

"How do you know?"

"You just do."

How exactly do you tell a woman you love her when you've denied yourself of any sort of romantic feelings for years? To have a connection the goes beyond just the physical passion.

How do you love another without feeling guilty, like you've cheated on someone that's not even here anymore? 

Laura Marano had broken through my firewall. With her clumsy, burger loving self. Her heart made of gold had somehow caused my stone heart to break it's shell, allowing my heart to beat again.

I'd fallen for her, a few months now, and i somehow couldn't find the right way to tell her.

Laura had wanted to walk the streets of Kensington, so we had drove back to her hotel where i parked my car and we began footing it.

It was close to midnight when we took a seat on a bench facing a river. We'd both been silent the entire walk and i took this as my moment.

"Growing up, i hated the world and everyone in it. hated my birth parents, whoever they were, for making me just to dispose of me. i hated the orphanage i was in.i hated the persons that built it. i hated the mother in charge of the orphanage and as a child i swore that as long as i lived,  as long as i sweated and blood coursed through my veins, that i would forever execrate every single child in that orphanage."

Laura was silent. i could feel her chocolate eyes stare at me as i looked out into the water. I knew if i looked at her my demeanor would crack.

"As i child i felt like i had only ever experienced four types of emotions "Pain,inferiority, disappointment and heartbreak.i felt Disappointment every time a new couple came to the orphanage and would never notice me because i was always at the back with my hair hiding my face. I was never an outgoing child that did tricks to make the newly wed couple think i was worthy of being in their new family And those that did take me never lasted for more than three weeks because to them i was a freak, so i was tossed from foster home to foster home, till they stopped choosing me all together. which in turn made me hate each of them that came there to the point when i knew couple came, i wouldn't even come out my room."

"Heartbreak was a common thing, especially when my childhood was filled with lies, starting with the movies, i remember always watching movies with happy endings, just sitting and waiting for my happy endings to come. as a child i remember loathing Disney classics just for that."

i shook my head trying to erase the memory of my broken self sitting on the floor crying, when a small warm hand snuggled right into mine. her hands couldn't even wrap around minds properly but just to soft feel of it was comforting.

"And pain..." I looked her in the eyes "I've felt pain on a level that no human deserves." i could see her already shedding tears.

"It started about when i was five. before that i was always a frequent victim of being bullied what made it worst was that i never spoke. everyone called me mute or freak. i rarely heard the name 'Ross' growing up. sometimes when the mother was away the kids would get away and come back drunk, when they did, i knew i had to hide, but somehow they always found me, at first they used to beat me up and gave me wedgies, throw food and any other objects they could at me, I've had countless concussions as a child. i remember once i'd woken up in a trash."

"Ross..." her soft voice pulled me away from the horrid memory. "You don't have to go on."

"But i want to. I need to." i had to get it out of my system.

"then one night, one of the older kids had lost their virginity and were bragging about it with to the other kids, i wanted to prove a point and showed off what they did, no one wanted him to touch them so, what do you think he did? " i chuckled bitterly. " He pulled me. of course he would, the scrawny mute kid was his perfect target. So he showed everything. Every sexual thing you could imagine, he had done to me Laura."

Her sobs grew louder and i pulled her into me. "I had lost my virginity before heard the word or knew what it meant. And after that night, i had just become a toy to them. other kids, girl or would, would come in that room and do what they had to do to me, and no won dared to say a word. They made me feel inferior by verbally and sexually degrading me, ripping my dignity, and my self respect away from me with each word."

"The world was just a messed up place, i went to an extent where i tried taking my own life but somehow i never even succeeded in doing that."

"Because that wasn't your time Ross, you were made for something greater, and now you know that, look at where you are now." her soft voice whispered in my ear, it cracked at some words. 

"I was eight Laura,i didn't know my future,  the world was hell to me. i felt like i was destined for pain, i wanted an escape."

she stared up at me.

"But them one day when i was fourteen, A man and a woman walked in." i sighed as i remember everything about those two people, i never knew how they would change my life.

"It was obvious they were in love, and like every other couple, they were looking for a child to adopt. i remember them wearing these fancy clothes and the woman giving candies to the kids. i was sitting by the wall with my long hair hiding my face and my knees to my chest. And somehow, her eyes surpassed all the happy dancing kids trying to impress her and her husband, and she saw me."

Laura pulled away from my chest and stared me in the eyes "Bonnie?" 

i nodded with a small smile. "to this still remember what she wore, she had on a polka dot skirt that reached her shin, sneakers and a stripped turtle neck. My dad on the other hand was flustered by all the kids, he was wearing a turtle neck as well and though it was clear that he was nervous, the other kids loved him. Then They tried talking to me and i would never respond to them. i don't know what it was that had drawn them to me, i was a broken kid that never spoke and yet they choose me. They tried for weeks till, after a month, i finally spoke to them. My dad had asked me something about electronics and I cracked. I had always been a nerd and had a thing for electronics since then."

 "After that i warmed up to them. and though these two nice people had taken a liking to me, i never told them what happened behind closed doors, until one day, One of the older guys had just finished using me when they showed up, I could remember being in so much pain and just crying and crying till I told my mom, Bonnie. and i don't know what the hell happened after those words came out of my mouth but all i knew was that my dad had me thrown over his shoulders and they were rushing to the hospital with me.  My dad was screaming on his phone when i had woken up and Mom was staring at me with tears in her eyes and her thumb in her mouth. when she saw me watching her, she smiled at me and said 'You'll be okay now.'

TAKE THAT DOUBLE UPDATE.

I'LL BE WORKING ON 'BROKEN FIREWALL PART 2'

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