What If I Say Goodbye?

Chapter 1

I was slowly sinking. Farther and father. My lungs were burning for air, and as I sank deeper and deeper everything got darker. A big black shape started coming towards me and.....

I bolted up in my bed, panting. It's just a dream. Just a dream. I tell myself over and over. People say that sleep is the best time. You don't feel anything, your monsters go away. But mine.... Mine haunt me day and night. You can never be safe from your own mind.

I look at my clock. 1:59 a.m., Yah I'm not getting any more sleep. I get up and walk over to my radio and turn it on. I Write Sins Not Tragedies by Panic! At The Disco is ending and then an ad break turns on.

I sigh and flip back onto my bed and look around at my room. It's grey, with a silver pattern on one as an accent. My bed was simple, white with a black comforter, and white pillows with a few throw pillows.

My closet was cracked open and filled with band tees and black clothing. I had band posters all over the walls and ceiling, and that was basically it. My desk was littered with papers and my laptop, and a few books but my room was pretty simple.

Of course my mother doesn't like my room. She's an award winning ballerina. My twin sister is following in her footsteps. I'm the odd one out. I get along better with my father. He writes weird Sci-Fi books. I'm his top supporter though. Mom and May-my twin-don't care though.

Mama by My Chemical Romance starts playing and i begin singing along. "Mama, we all go to hell. Mama, we all go to hell." I whisper sing while flopping back onto my bed. 2:13. I'm going to go crazy.

I walk over to my desk and sit in my chair, opening my laptop. A picture of the Black Veil Brides band is my background picture. Don't judge, i'm emo, i'm going to have everything band themed. I'm band trash.

I scroll through Facebook and Instagram first. Nothing catches my interest. I honestly don't know why I have Instagram. The only real reason i have it is to follow the band members that have them. When I say band members I mean bands like Green Day, MCR, BVB, Paramore. Not 1D or some "in" band.

2:34. Still to early for a run. I pick up my dad's latest book. Hunting for the Hunted by James Kland. It's about a zombie who fell in love with a human girl, and is trying to defend her from the rest of the zombies. Very strange, but i might as well finish it.

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When i finish its 3:48. Eh, close enough to four. I don't sleep a lot. I normally fall asleep at two and get up at four. Last night I fell asleep at twelve. I get up and stretch. I walk over to my closet and go flipping through the shirts looking for my Black Parade tee. Well one of my Black Parade tees.

I grumble when i can't find it. Then i move to a tote at the bottom of my closet. Also filled with tee shirts. The struggle of finding a black tee shirt when you have 200 others is real. I deal with it every morning.

I finally find it and slip it on, and grab a pair of black skinny jeans. I tiptoe across the hall into the bathroom and grab my makeup bag.

Of course my eyeliner decides to run out when i'm half done with my second eye. Back to my room i go. I have a stash in my drawer. This happens frequently when you end up using so much eyeliner.

Last one. I'm going to need to stock up again. I finish my makeup and then grabbing my black leather jacket, I bolt out the door.

The air is cool and crisp on my face, it being late winter. Spring will be here soon. Unfortunately. I prefer the dark cold days. Sparks, my neighbors dog comes out to see me. "Hi girl, you wanna go for a walk?" I ask and she barks excitedly.