Lost my way

chapter 2

Every show was a count down. I just wanted october here. I'm trying not to get my Hope's up or excited. What if I cant find her. What if we do and it goes badly. So many thoughts running through my head. The closer we got the more nervous I got.

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It was now a week before our Chicago show. We are not headed to Chicago though, we were headed to ohio. The closer we got the more my stomach turned from being nervous.

"You ok, hyung?" Namjoon asked looking at me.

"No.." I said looking out the window. "What if we cant find her?"

"We will do our best. Let's try her house when you were here so long ago first thing.. do you still have the adress?" He asked.

I pulled out the box from my bag and a envelope. "This is.. was her last known address.." I handed the envelope to namjoon.

"I swear I will give it back let me just get it into the drivers gps.." he said at I watched him handle the letter with care. It was precious. The last letter I received from her. I couldn't ever reply, I was too busy. This letter was very depressing. She stated how much she loved and missed me but I wasnt replying so I just not care and stated it was the last letter. I didnt get the letters, all the letters, until months later. Bighit kept them from me. That's the only thing I'm bitter about. If I had known and saw these letters I would have responded and we wouldn't have lost touch.

Namjoon handed the letter back to me and I put it away. Jungkook was filming like always. He said he wanted to document this journey of mine finding the most precious thing I lost, just for doing what I wanted. I should have taken her with me.. jungkook had been filming me for the last 5 years.. it's a bit weird but if I do find her atleast I can show her I never gave up looking for her.

"5 minutes away.." the driver stated. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. This is it. We find out if she is still here or not.. we pull up in front of the house.

"It looks the same.." I said looking in amazement "nothing has changed.."

"Are you ready?" Namjoon asked.

"Yes.. but only a couple of us should go.. " I said as I open the van door and stepped out. Namjoon and I headed to the front door. I took a deep breath and knocked.

Dogs began to bark. As someone opened the door.

"Can I help you?"

"Umm.. maybe.. is ashley here?" I asked. I hope she is.

"Shes not here right now... yoongi???"

"Yes mam.. she still lives here? You are her mom, you remember me" I asked looking her mom in the face.

"Yes she does.. yes I do.." she replied. She will be back shortly, had to run to the store a few blocks away.. why dont you and all your friends come in and wait.."

I looked back and noticed the rest of the guys were standing on the side walk. "Thank you mam" I said motioning the guys to come up.

"You were always polite" she said stepping aside and allowing us in the house. "Its a bit of a mess sorry"

We walked over some toys scattered around the living room. "Please sit, she should be back anytime now.." she motioned to the couch and chairs. We sat down.

"Sorry, I'm a bit nervous.. " I said rubbing my hands on my Jean's. "I cant believe you all still live here..."

Just then the front door opened. "Well they were out of the kind she likes so she will have to do with what I got!" She said as she walked through the door. Stopped dead in her tracks as her mom motioned for her to look my way. She dropped her bags and her eyes were wide.

She didnt break eye contact until a little girl came running through the door from the other room "mommy you are home!!" She screamed as she grabbed her leg.

"Hi peanut.. how about you and mamaw go to the kitchen and start some cookies for after dinner.." she said looking away and picking her up.

"Ok can we make peanut butter??" The little girl asked.

"Yes we can.." her mother said grabbing the little girl and walking off.

"Umm..." she said looking at me in total shock.

"Hi ashley.." I said standing up.. "so you are a mother now..?"

She just pointed to the front door and turned towards it. I followed her, as did the rest of the guys...

"Did she see you" she asked once we were outside.. "yoongi, what are you doing here?"

"Your mom? Yes she answered the door?" I replied

"No, my daughter. Did she see you?" She asked again.

"No, I didnt know she was there until she came out to great you! Why are you asking?" I replied.

"Nothing.." she said looking at me.

"I've been wanting to find you.. namjoon helped me by convincing our manager to let us have time to find you" I replied.

She didnt reply, just stood there looking at me confused and I could see the hurt in her eyes.

"I tried calling once training was done and it wouldn't go through.." I said.

"Well after that last letter I changed my number since I figured you didnt want or care for me any more.." she said as she looked away from me.

"I swear, I didnt get a single letter until months after you sent the last one! We had no communication with anyone while training" I said moving a bit closer. "I hope whoever her father is and you are with now treats you the way you deserve and that you are happy"

"I'm not with anyone and she doesn't know her father, she knows who he is and what he looks like but never met him.. he left before I could tell him and disappeared" she replied. "I havent been with anyone since you, yoongi.."

"So.. wait are you telling me?" I asked as I was walking closer to her.

"I wanted to tell you, not in a letter but atleast on the phone but you never responded so I figured I was just a fling while you were here.." she said. "And yes I'm telling you, you are her father.."