As I walk the aisles of the grocery store and saw olive oil, I was teary eyed. Then I saw different herbs and spices, I wasn't able to hold back my tears anymore. Why?
Because me and my daughter loves this particular aisle. The oil, the condiments, imported canned goods, hair care products and more. Me and my daughter can spend hours in the grocery.
The next day, I went to the bookstore. There I started to cry again. I realized that my son got so worried so I wiped my tears and smiled at him.
"Mom, you're making me worried."
I asked him why.
"Because you might not go back to the same you. You know, like smiling and happy."
"I'm sad, baby. I lost your sister and I miss her so much. Don't worry, I'm fine."
Me and my son paid and left the bookstore.
I cry everyday.
I grieve everyday.
I can't sleep.
Sometimes I'd feel really sleepy but as soon as I close my eyes, I would wake up again.
I felt chest pains and headaches.
I had panic attacks almost every night.
One day, I asked my partner if he can accompany me to see a psychiatrist.
4 doctors talked to me first what happened. They were wondering why I went to the emergency instead of going to the OPD. I told them that what I'm feeling now can't wait 'til next week. When I went to the OPD, they told me that they will schedule an appointment to see the doctor. But if I can't wait til next week, they told me that I can go to the emergency room. And so I did.
The psych doctor told me that I'm suffering from anxiety attacks. He gave me meds to make me sleep at night, but he told my partner to keep all the meds away from me. The other medicine he prescribed is for my anxiety attack.
The first few nights, I really had to take the sleeping pills because I really can't sleep and I still cry at night. I didn't buy the other meds for my anxiety attack. The doctor told me that in the first few weeks of taking the medicine, I will experience more anxiety attacks then it will go away around the 3rd week of using it. I was scared. I don't want to experience anxiety attacks, so I didn't buy those meds.
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Nov. 13, 2018
Have you experienced crying while eating halo-halo by yourself? I did. Just today.
I was at the bookstore a while ago. Teary eyed.
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