A Way Out

Chapter 2: Nick

I can't believe what I did. How could I tell him? Him and Alexa were together. Bayley's right, I am a dick. Nick the dick. I'm so stupid. I put my head down as I walk my sorry ass home. I should go back and apologize. No, I can't look Bayley in the eyes again. Poor Jakey. I let him down. I was supposed to change. He helped me pull my shit together. There's no way I can go to basketball. Jacob would probably be there and beat me up. Now, you're a wuss too. No, I can't fight him because I threw the first punch... actually the first ten punches. That's it, I'm not going to school tomorrow. I should at least tell him that I'm sorry.

I grab my phone out of my pocket and stop on the sidewalk. It's been 15 minutes so we've had time to calm down. I put my right thumb on the home button, and it reads my thumbprint. I press the message app and text Jacob

I'm sorry. I suck I know, but u gotta understand me. He responds.

Understand u how? U befriended me. How can I trust you again? He has a point. I lied. I broke the bro code between us.

U don't have to trust me just let me tell u what happened.

I know what happened. U already told me, remember? I can't stop u though. U'll probably send it to me anyways. Although, I feel like I didn't tell him what happened. I still felt like I needed to say more about the interaction between Alexa and I.

Alexa and I were decently close. Like enough to tell each other a secret and to know one or the other would keep it. It definitely wasn't as close as Bayley or even Jacob. Bayley was gone in New York, and it was just Alexa and I at a party. Jacob was off with the boys playing waterpolo in the pool. I'll admit, I did have a couple of drinks enough to be drunk, but that's not the point. I was still sober enough to know what I was talking about and to walk somewhat straight. Anyways, Alexa was just leaning against the wall watching Jacob take down people in waterpolo out the patio door. She tucked her hair behind her ear and covered her mouth laughing at Jacob. I thought it was Bayley from behind, and I put my hands around her waist and whispered in her ear. "You're back early, why didn't you tell me?" And kissed her neck. Alexa jumped around and it didn't hit me until she yelled at me.

"Nick! What are you doing?"

"Oh, shit I'm sorry. I thought you were Bayley." Now, you may think that sounds innocent, but I didn't let go of her waist. Even though I knew it wasn't Bayley, I made the choice to keep hold of her waist and look into her eyes. I made it look sexual. I may have felt jealous toward the fact of Charles was with Bayley at that very moment and it stuck to me, but you can't tell what you're thinking when you're drunk. So I lied before when I said I knew what I was doing. The truth is, I never know what I'm doing. I did this. I basically wanted to, at that very moment, get down her pants.

"Nick, get your hands off of me. I'm not doing what you may be thinking. You're drunk and you're sick. Just because Bayley left doesn't mean you can go off sleeping with other girls." She forced her hands to untangle mine and stormed off. I followed like a lost puppy dog except tripping over every little thing because of my unsteady balance. She walked out the front door of the house leaving Jacob walking in and asking what happened. I lied to save my ass. He stormed out after Alexa.

I text Jacob right away at the thought of this memory and how much it weighed down on me.

I thought u needed to know the truth right then and there. I'm the reason u had that fight. I'm sorry Jake. I can't believe I just texted him. It was way too soon. He couldn't forgive me that fast. I had done too much harm.

Goodbye Nick

It starts to snow small snowflakes. You know what they say small snowflakes, big storm. And that was a true fact. I just spit out the truth about that night and it became this big explosion and it wasn't even the whole story. I continue to walk to my house with my hands deep in my pockets. I just want to punch something. Take all the anger and hate out of me. I hold back tears from the fact that I probably just lost my girlfriend and my best friend. I begin to see the outline of my house with the Christmas lights around the baseline of the roof. It soothes my mind.

I always loved Christmas. Not the presents and stuff, but the lights all over the neighbourhood. My dad and I used to go around in his truck and see them. Every year there would be that one house that went all out. I always found Christmas as everyone's "better mood" with everyone saying, "Merry Christmas," or "Happy Hanukkah." It makes yourself in a better mood too. It also helped me when Alexa died. Making something positive over such a negative thing. I always thought that if Alexa was watching over me that her seeing me do good would make her proud. I miss her so much.

I walk up the driveway and dash through the snow on the walkway. I open the door to my house and go down the hallway straight to my room, hopeful that I wouldn't see my parents. I close the door behind me, humiliated by my actions. How could I fuck this up too? I lay on my bed and close my eyes and feel the tears starting to come. I open them again to look at my ceiling. I just keep replaying that whole scene in my mind over and over and over again, wondering if I did something or said something different, I would be still there with Bayley. So I close my eyes to dream of something better.