part 1: counting

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There is no way to be okay. There is always something wrong. So when my whole world is crashing and burning... I sit in my backyard and count the roses. When I know everything's wrong, I count roses I know its stupid but its stress relieving. I hate roses there so pretty and mean. I like sunflowers. But I wanted to plant roses because, I know that you can never get away from the things you don't like. Even if you avoid them there will always be a way for them to get back into you life and stay there and you just half to deal with it.

Twenty three. There are twenty three roses. I already knew that because I count them at least four times a day.
"laura! " my dad called. My. Head shot forward the house where my dad was standing. 

"yea? "

"do you have four dollars? " he said

"no" after I said that I looked down and started counting roses.

"damn! " he said under his breath

Push the thoughts away push the thoughts away push the thought away, I kept repeating in my head.

"I hate you" I said to myself.

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