The Spirit's Angel

lets get real for a minute

Alright guys so if you read the "sorry not sorry" part then you know that my life hasn't been the best and after a lot of contemplating ive decided to have a serious talk with you guys about it considering I see you guys as friends and family.
So like I said before my life has been pretty rough and quite a while back I just started thinking that Life or whatever controls it hates me and does not want me to be happy. This is constantly being shown by multiple different ways. Thinking that maybe companionship could help me I decided to start dating. In my life I have dated 3 girls and this is the reason. Its like waking up from a dream right before it gets good. Anybody know that feeling?Being at the edge of your seat and feeling so happy about what's going on and what's happening and suddenly you just get yanked out of it. In many occasions people thank that it caused by the alarm the set and get passed at that alarm for ruining a good time but they are wrong. You can easily sleep through an alarm but something else doesn't want you to get to the good part...not yet.it's like back in the day when people would hold an apple in front of a horse to get it moving. The horse keeps reaching but can't quite reach the apple. I actually just had a dream and in that dream I was happy and multiple times life taunts me on how I can never get to that point. This is how most of my life has been. Constantly reaching out to be happy, reaching out in hope that I can finally break free but I always fall short. Its like I'm locked in a empty room and the key to escape is right in front of me but when I reach for it its looked inside a transparent box and I'm forced to look at it and be constantly reminded that its always gonna be out of reach.
I'm sorry I laid this on you guys cause I know you were expecting a chapter and instead I do this but I just had to vent to someone so I decided to do it up here. I'm gonna go try super hard to forget about it even though I know I won't.