Regrets

A/N: HUGE Thank you to queserone and halsteadpd for EVERYTHING....There is one flashback, which is written in italics. I hope you all enjoy my little one shot and if you do please review.

XXXXXX

It's instant. The moment he pulls the pictures from the drawer, he feels the tears welling in his eyes and his heart clenches. The dam breaks when he gets to the last few. He sees the day he graduated from the academy; his chest hurts as his breathing escalates. His vision becomes blurred, but he still analyzes the photo of him shaking the hand of his superior so many years ago.

XXXXXX

He figured that Will would be more likely to come watch him get his star but he wasn't surprised when his brother declined and told him he was too busy with school. It took him two weeks to build up the courage to go to his dad and extend an invitation to him. His blue eyes bored into Jay's as they sat across from each other in the family room. There was a baseball game playing on the TV that had the older Halstead's attention.

"Hey Pop, I uh, I'm graduating in a month."

"Hm." Pat huffs.

"I was thinking maybe you'd like to-"

"You're not really going to ask me to go to that are you?" Pat interrupts. Jay looks at him dumbfounded. He shouldn't have listened to Will when he suggested asking their dad. Should have known something like this would happen. His anger bubbles as he slowly stands from the couch.

"That would be a crazy idea, wouldn't it!" Jay yells as he walks towards the door.

"Yeah, but the whole thing is crazy and stupid. You shouldn't have even gone to become a cop when you could have been working since you graduated high school."

"Why, so I could end up like you? Yeah, no thanks."

"Count me out."

"Gladly." Jay spits as he makes his way towards the door.

XXXXXX

There was a point where he and his dad had an ok relationship, but at some point it switched and they stopped clicking. He's not sure where he went wrong but he regrets it. There was always a part of him that hoped that he would be able to turn things around up until that day. That day taught him to keep his distance and for the most part he did. And now he regrets it; he wishes he could have tried harder to be there with him, have better memories with him. But his biggest regret is the last words he spoke to his dad. And now as he stands with the colorful, glossy piece of paper held against the spot on his chest where the bullet hit his Kevlar vest, his heart sinks knowing that he was there but he also feels a bit of anger. He's angry at his dad for making it seem as if he was embarrassed. And he's mad at himself for not trying harder to be closer with him.

He and Will both take their time going through their father's apartment and boxing up his belongings. They don't say anything to each other when they grab the last of the boxes and make their way to the hall. Jay sees the tears in his brother's eyes as he closes the door.

"Hey Jay."

"Yeah." Jay replies.

"I know I haven't been the best brother, but if you need someone to talk to-"

"Thanks Will." Jay interrupts before he climbs into his car with a nod, and Will nods his head and tosses his keys up a little before turns in the direction of his car.

XXXXXX

He stands off to the side, leant up against some white, rusty metal.

"Friends, let us raise a glass to dear Patrick Halstead, may you be in heaven an hour before the devil knows you're dead. Sláinte."