My life was never easy. At times, I wanted to disappear like the shooting stars. They appear very rarely and you rarely see them go by.
It would be nice if at times my family did not see me or did not recognize me as part of the family. My room is no longer my safe haven, it is no longer where as a child, I pretended to be a pirate or a king. I can not hide it anymore in there. Today is family dinner, with family I mean, everyone except me, so I decided to have dinner at the window and enjoy the moonlight and the stars that shone on the dark sky. Even though I was alone eating at the window, I could still hear the loud laughter of my stepmother and half-sister. My father kept in his corner as he always did, sometimes reading a newspaper or smoking. I could tell that some of the jokes were about me, about my mother, and about how I failed in life. It was not good to hear, my chest felt heavy and my heart broken, but at the same time uninterested in the subject. Besides, it would not be the first time I had heard them speak ill of me. My father seemed uninterested in the subject. It was something that annoyed him too, but he preferred silence instead of discussion. I'm a bit like him, but I'm more like my mother. Sometimes I look out the window waiting to see her in the sky, shining eternally like a star she is.
She has always told me not to give up anything in life because life is precious. I disagreed with her but now I know I did not value her words. I looked at the stars again almost with tears in my eyes.
"I miss you mom, I know you're seeing me and I hope you're proud of me."
"Regardless of all the mistakes I made and the ones I'm still going to commit, mom , I hope you keep following me and loving me." "You know, I wanted you to still be here, to see me grow, even though I'm 19, I still have to grow up and learn more about life. Learning to live without you is difficult, and I do not know how I will bear it, I do not have any friends either, or someone to talk to, I hope you're well."
I wiped the tears that fell on my face as I spoke. The burden of longing was too strong for me and I was not knowing how to deal with it by myself.
I continued to admire the sky while indoors the dinner seemed to be lively, except for me. That's when I saw two shooting stars almost collide with each other.
"Shooting stars? Strange, it's the first time I see two at the same time.."
I kept quiet for seconds, I found the event strange but maybe it was not impossible. I closed my eyes and asked for a wish, something that at least I wanted to be humanly possible.
"I want to have someone new in my life, someone who accepts me as I am."
I opened my eyes slowly, first one and then the other.
"It looks like it's going to be another impossible dream.." I said quietly, almost murmuring.
My father saw me entering the house, even though I was trying not to make noise, he saw me.
He rolled his eyes at the newspaper for me.
"Where are you going?"
I answered.
"I'm going to my room."
"Why do not you stay here? It would be good if you sometimes could interact with your family."
"I do not have a family, and I'm sure it is not this one."
I left quietly, one foot behind the other and went to my room, my mind was displeased with the answer I had given. Someone who never wanted to know about me, would not want to know about me now.
- end of Jin's POV -
