So Gone yet Living On

That Morning

I wake up to the same smell of failure and loneliness or maybe it's just moms cigarettes. Sad thing is I wouldn't know the difference it's just the smell of my life. It's was Just a typical school day, waking up a little too late trying a little too hard thinking maybe he'd notice or maybe I'd get invited there. Skipping breakfast, not just because I'm late, but because the voices in my head tell me I'm better than that. Having a boyfriend helps the matter a little, but not really. It's all just a label, a thing kids say. He'll text me every now and then but that's about it. His texts are basically the reason I'm even living anymore. The occasional I love you holds the few pieces of sanity I have left. Thinking of him as I throw on my over worn name brand tee shirt and straighten my thin blonde hair. Doing all the typical things I do to help hide the fact my life is a mess. I run out the door to my bus and begin another crappy day in this awful week of my pathetic life.