I'm Patty, Patty Walters//Pen

4. the angel from my nightmare

Ben- aged 15
Patty- aged 14
Trigger warning

Patty's pov

 I sighed. The words from my previous conversation with my dad rang through my ears. "Kill yourself."  Although, he didn't know I had been trying for the past two years. He didn't know Ben had talked me out of it over ten times. And he didn't care. He didn't care enough to figure it out.

 I sit on my bed, flicking the blade of my butterfly knife in and out of it's sleeve. I sigh and set the knife down, deciding to message Ben instead of putting the knife to my wrist. I pull the pen Rachel gave me out of my drawer, clicking the retracter in and writing a small, "Hello."

 He writes back within seconds, "Hey, babe." We'd made ourselves official a few months ago and I've been much happier. "Did you get your phone back yet? My dad almost saw the writing. A lot happened today," I write in a messy, cursive.

 "Yeah, I did. What happened today?" He writes back, so I grab my phone and text him. "My dad and I talked earlier. He told me that I need to get a job and stop looking for my sister. He also told me to kill myself, but what he doesn't know is I've been trying for the past two years." I type quickly, sighing as I sent the message to my boyfriend.

 Ben B is typing shows up on my phone screen, "One day, we'll meet, one day, baby." I let the tears run freely down my cheeks. I start typing,

 "When? I'm an emotional mess and I doubt I'll make it to when we meet. Ben, I told you the first time we talked, I'm a waste of space and I wish you had someone else for a soulmate. God, you must be so fucking done with my constant complaining and I'm sorry you have to deal with me." 

 I let out a strangled sob as he starts a video chat. I answer, still trying to choke my sobs into silence, an attempt to make sure my parents couldn't hear me. My hatred grew stronger for my sister as I looked at Ben. He looked upset and worried, his voice strong as he spoke in a quiet tone. 

 "I don't want someone else, I want you. I want Patty Walters, the boy who said he couldn't because everyone told him he couldn't. You're nothing close to a waste of space, you're my everything, Patty. You're my other half," He tells me. I shake, another quiet cry coming out of my mouth, "You're all I have." 

 "I'll save you. The day we meet is the day you become protected from the pain of your family. I swear on everything I own," Ben vows. "You're the angel from this nightmare I'm forced to call my life," I whisper thickly, voice hoarse from crying. He offers a small smile, "Try to hold on for two more years, okay? You'll be sixteen and I'll be seventeen. I'll have more money and you'll probably have a stable job. We can make due and I can get you out of that house. I'll always be there for you." 

I play with the strings on my hoodie, "I promise I'll try." He smiles at me, staring absentmindedly. I turn pink and look at a suddenly intriguing string on my frayed zip-up. 

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