A WALK WITH MILDRED

Part 3

“… Dead?”

Her brown eyes are now gone. Her dark hair, forever lost. No more hugs as I went home. No more kisses from her. No more. She’s dead. Once, she lived a life of pain for me. Once, she already had suffered for my sake. But, she’s dead now. No more. I had many things running on my mind. Many events happened that day.

If only I was a bit smarter, I should have gone home earlier. If only there was a cab waiting outside the school. If only someone was kind enough to have given me a ride. If only I was not late. If only I stayed out the whole night and came the next morning. If only I didn’t attend the event at our school. If only. If’s. They never ended. A whole line of if’s. 

During that time, I was not able to imagine my life without Mildred. She had been my savior but I took her for granted. I took her kisses for granted.

“Emerson, don’t cry…” Mom said. 

“She meant a lot to me. She was there to greet me every time I come home. She was there, watching me, comforting me, showing me that she cares. She made me feel special. She was the one who, even with no words, was able to save me from the misery. She saved me…”

She didn’t just save me, that was an understatement. She gave me life. She was the reason of my second life, I am indebted to her.

“… Sacrificed her life for me. Don’t just tell me not to cry, mom. She died for my sake!” I couldn’t control my emotions. Everybody was silent. No one dared to talk. I can’t bear talking anymore. All I want is to see her. All I want is to say sorry to her. Apologize for being stupid, for wasting time, for not being worthy of a sacrificed life. I should apologize. I closed my eyes and tried to calm myself. But there was no calm, no river in my spirit to soothe the pain, no ocean to drown the misery; neither were rain or wind. What I saw when I closed my eyes was a desert.

A life filled with pain that grew from the shadows of the lack of appreciation from my father. A life filled with agony. Yet in that desert, there was a spring of hope. Mildred. 

Since I was young, Mildred has been with us. She served us day and night. She was younger than me but she came to maturity very fast. She has this dark hair that made her very beautiful, brown eyes were very unique too for her kind. The best thing about Mildred was that she was one of the few elements in my life that made me sane. However, I was too stupid and blinded by everything else that I took her for granted.

“Mildred, you should not have been there.” I talked to myself as I tried to walk towards the exit. There were nurses but they didn’t bother stopping me now. My mother assisted me—for the first time, there was support. 

With all the IV’s connected to my body, we hired a cab and went on. A nurse accompanied me and my mother. We turned corners. We traversed roads. It was just a 10 minute ride. The more I came closer, the more I trembled and cried.

Trying so hard, I walked and saw her body: lifeless, cold, streaks of blood on her face, there was so much pain. There was no formal burial. That was one of the most painful parts.

I can’t even pay respects to her, my savior!

I broke down and cried. I cried tears of anguish and resentment. It was all my fault. Everything that happened that night happened because of my stupidity. No burial for Mildred, she was treated like dirt. That special element of the story of my life was treated like a speck of nothingness being thrown into oblivion.

I can’t take this anymore.  I came close to her and hugged her body. I don’t understand why people should treat her like that but I had no strength to stop anybody now. I hugged her close to me and I closed my eyes, in hopes that she will forgive me for every mistake that I have done.

That was five years ago, exactly.

The park is now filled with tombstones for the likes of Mildred. Saviors. On my fifth year on this very unique cemetery, I have with me another Mildred. She’s a terrier. “Mildred, I name her after you.” I proudly told our very faithful family pet when I was young. “I did this not because you can just be easily replaced but because I love you so much, I want the world to know that there should be more Mildreds in this world.”

I left the note on her tombstone, lit a candle, left roses and treats

Mildred, thank you for being the best pet… No, the best friend. I love you. I hope you have found peace. With much love, Emerson.

END.