The Basketcase and The Princess

Chapter 23

Aubrey lay curled on her side in the velvet darkness of the blackest night, tears burning bright behind her eyes. She wouldn't let them form. She could hold it all in. She could and she would. She believed in her own will. Determination. Her back to the middle of the bed. Cold. Space. Back to Stacie. Slightly hunched, covers up around her. She fought a shiver. Aubrey hoped Stacie was asleep. Aubrey couldn't take the silence between them. Stacie's rejection of her made her feel worthless. She had never felt that with Stacie. Off Stacie. Stacie built her up, made her the best she could be. Made her happy. But what if Stacie was just with her for convenience? Just because she was hot. Yeah Aubrey knows she's hot. She's tall and blonde so yeah she's like conventionally hot. She knows this, doesn't use it to any advantage. Was Stacie with her just for that? Like he had been? Stacie was with her for more than that? Right? Right? But Stacie had went along with whatever the shit was going down. Happening. About to happen? With Chloe. Fucking Chloe. Fuck. Stacie went with it. Willingly. She did Aubrey knew she fucking did. And if that was true, and it was, then what? Stacie was just with her for the sex. Right? No. No she couldn't be, they were, what? Together. Just the two of them. About to be three of them, and then Aubrey remembers him. He would always ask. That. Jokingly ask cause hey it's college and you've got to experiment. Right? But he didn't deserve Chloe. She would never let him anywhere near Chloe. Her and Chloe. Not like that. So why now? Why had she initiated this. What he had always wanted but with Stacie? She needed to turn and talk it all out. Needed to. Was probably best if she did. No. Knew it was the right thing to do. Talk this out. But she didn't want to. Couldn't. So fucking wouldn't. Ignore and it would go away. Ignore. Walls up. Pretend Chloe didn't happen. What the actual shit had she done? Ignore it. Bottle it up. Keep it in check. Ignore. Ignore. Ignore. Drill. And Chloe. God Aubrey didn't even wanna start thinking about that. About her. What tonight may have done to Chloe. Chloe. Her Chloe. She couldn't be hers. Not any more. Tonight made that perfectly fucking clear. Chloe was probably with Beca right now. That killed her. That shouldn't kill her but it does. It really fucking does. It hurts. And it doesn't matter. She doesn't matter. What the shit? Just what fucking even? She wanted Stacie. Just her. She wasn't allowed to want Chloe. Wasn't. Fuck. Sleep please let sleep take over her body, her mind and let it be quiet, a good kind of peaceful quiet in her brain just for a few hours please please please let the silence not slice her like a knife.

Stacie lay looking up into nothingness.

A single tear that she let run down the side of her face, she didn't hold it in, or sniff it away, she just let it be.

Single.

Alone.

She was enrobed in the black of night, the moon light hadn't crept to her side of the bed. It highlighted Aubrey's hair, splayed out on the pillow beside her. And stopped there. Aubrey was her light. So why was she in darkness?

She had tried to make love, she didn't wanna just fuck, she didn't wanna just bang, no she needed to show Aubrey that she loved her, so yeah she had tried to make love to Aubrey when they returned to her room, their room.

Theirs.

It was still theirs.

Right?

It was theirs.

Dammit.

So what if she felt like she didn't belong there. That didn't mean a fucking thing. Okay.

She had tried to ignore the images that invaded her mind every time she closed her eyes. Every time she opened her eyes. Fuck all she could see in her mind was Aubrey kissing Chloe. Chloe kissing her Aubrey. Hers. She was hers. Was? Is. Is? Chloe's hands wandering down Aubrey stomach. Down. Where only her own hands belong. Belonged? Seeing Aubrey being into it. Into Chloe. Just as Aubrey was into her, the two of them now, alone, together, like it was meant to be but when she had pealed off Aubrey's shorts, no panties underneath because they still lay flung off into a shadowed corner of the room because they had spent all day in bed together. The day had been amazing. A Saturday, the Saturday she had promised Flo she would meet up and go over some work with but she had flaked, and stayed in bed.