Perfection's Past

Chapter 4

My steps echo as I make my way through my empty house, my Mom didn't bother to come home this weekend, so I am alone. Again.  I do what I usually do, go for my morning runs, finish all my homework for the next three months, read through the National Archives online, watch Scandal, take a swim in our indoor pool, read an autobiography, and countdown the days till graduation.

I was about to walk up the stairs to shower, I just finished some laps in the pool. I forgot a towel so I was trying to hurry so I didn't soak the expensive hardwood floor. I'm halfway up the stairs when I hear the doorbell ring. I contemplate ignoring it, but it rings again so I turn around, leaving wet foot prints on the floor as I approach the door. The doorbell rings again. I don't know who it is, but they obviously need a lesson in patience. 

I open the door and before I can even register who it is, the visitor makes his way inside.

"Well,  if I knew I'd find you'd be dressed like this I would've come over a lot sooner" Carter Green inspects my Fella Swim bikini before moving further into my house and inspecting the interior. 

"What are you doing here, Carter?" I ask flatly. 

He smirks and holds up a pizza box, "We are renovating so my mom kicked me out of the house for the day. So I figured I'd come annoy my favorite girl." He says, dripping with charm. I try not to roll my eyes.

"Don't you have an entire baseball team you can annoy?" I ask, opening the door expectantly, clearly indicating for him to leave. 

"Sure, I do." He grins, "But none of them are nearly as pretty as you." This time I do roll my eyes. 

"Besides, it doesn't look like you have anything better to do." He says inspecting my empty house. His eyes find the wet foot prints I left on floor, and he lets out a soft laugh. If I cared enough, I would try to cover my bare body up, but I don't care, and that would give Carter the satisfaction of having an effect on me, and he doesn't. 

"I have a lot of homework." I lie flatly. He raises an eyebrow, obviously not buying. I don't blame him, that was probably the worst excuse I could give. 

"You and I both know thats not true. My Alex has her school work for the entire semester finished, color coded, and checked twice. Try again sweetheart." By now the nuisance has made his way into my living room and plops himself onto my couch and begins to eat a slice of pizza. 

"I'm not your anything, and don't call me sweetheart." I say, but resign my self to taking seat and reach for a slice for myself. 

This is how I ended up watching some low budget horror film on Netflix, in an overpriced bikini and silk robe, while eating a pepperoni pizza with Carter Greene.

We didn't speak during the movie, except for the occasional snarky remark on the horrible quality, made by me of course.  Carter kept his distance, seated safely on the opposite side of the couch. For once, he kept his remarks to himself and seemed content to let me critique the stupidity of the characters and the poor film job. Despite my complaints, I found myself with an odd sensation in my stomach when the credits began to roll. I brush it off as eating too much pizza and turn towards Carter.

"So, are you going to leave now?" But even as I ask, the words taste bitter in my mouth, almost as if I didn't actually want to say them. But, that can't be true, because that would mean that I actually didn't want to be alone. Suddenly I feel a bit nauseous at the idea, and stand up quickly. 

"Alex." Carter states, he looks tired, and I walk towards the door. I hear his footsteps trail behind me. I'm about to open the door and usher him out when I feel his hand encase my elbow. I flinch at the contact. Carter drops his hand at the cringe of my body and just looks at me. He doesn't have a look of pity in his eyes, not like everyone else, its more of a quizzical look. The kind of look one gets when they are solving a puzzle. For the first time in a long time I feel something. I feel nervous. I feel nervous that Carter is going to start asking the right questions, he's smarter than everyone else in Greeneburne, and I really can't have that happen. I don't know what I was thinking, letting him stay today, I'm smarter than that. 

"I really need to get some stuff for college finished." I say, my walls are back up and it comes out it my cold tone, not the snarky one I used earlier. Carter, to my surprise actually walks past me, opening the door. Just as I was about to shut the door behind him, Carter turns to me and looks me dead in the eye. 

"I'm going to figure you out Alexandra Reid." 

***

The rest of the weekends drags by, I pretend not to be bothered by the fact that for the first time in three years, that I didn't want to be alone. I wanted my mom to not work two hours away, and actually live with her daughter. I wanted my dad to be alive. I wanted to have friends. I wanted to be normal. I didn't want to be the ghost of a girl I'd become. I wanted to feel something, so I felt sad. By the time Monday rolled around I stopped. I gave myself the weekend, but now I needed to be the Alexandra Reid I created to protect myself. So when I walked past Carter on my way into the school, after parking next to his obnoxious car, I didn't even spare him a glance as he leaned against the red door, waiting for me and our normal morning exchange. I didn't let myself feel anything, I turned of the switch. I felt nothing at all when Carter kept trying to catch my eye in the hallway after the last class, as he stood next to Lucas Samson, holding his baseball gear. 

I didn't feel anything when Coach Mathis "accidentally" ran into me on his way out to practice. I said nothing when Lucas asked me how I was when he held the door for me to leave the building. I ignored the text from my mom saying she wouldn't make it home this weekend, again. I didn't try be cordial with Mrs. Carmichael from down the street when I ran into her at the grocery store. Most of all, I didn't fool myself into believing I could be normal, I didn't deserve it.

yay, I updated! So what are your thoughts? Any theories, or comments? Let me know int the comments, and don't forget to vote! 

Lots of Love,

Kenzie