What it Takes to Feel Alive

His smile permeated the room like a sunbeam. His teeth were as polished as his hair, thick black with curls that lie messy but groomed on the top of his head. He was all I could think about since the start of the semester. My heart jerked suddenly. It happened every time I thought he was looking back at me. I knew he was just looking at his friend who neighbored me to my left, but my imagination always took the best of me.

Sometimes I would imagine us together. It was always a small house in the middle of nowhere, where there would be nothing but the two of us. We'd spend days and days back to back with our lips locked and our bodies pressed together, dripping with desire and lust.

These fantasies never lasted long. My body would tense up every time and I would be able to feel my skin burn with anxiety and my body steam rage. That's exactly what was happening when he approached me, with that same smile that he made from the left corner of his mouth.

Mrs. Washington had just told the class to break off and find a partner for our next assignment. Every time she does it I sit idle with my chin wrapped underneath my fingers. Nobody ever comes to me and I always have to pretend not to be mortified when she has to force a group of two to add me. The last time that happened the person exclaimed "no thanks!" and giggled with his friend. I was upset because of that for a whole week and every day I saw them I thought of hilarious ways that they could suffer. It was the only thing to take my mind off my embarrassment. Only if those ideas had come to pass.

When Damien walked up to me my eyes almost popped onto the floor. I dug my cheek into the crevice of my arm and pretended to be writing something. He slid the chair in front of me around, sat down, and spoke.

"Hey. It cool that we partner up?"

"Uh. Yeah, sure. I mean why not?" I still hadn't looked up/

"Cool. So, how long have you been here? I've never seen you around."

"To the school system?"

"Yeah."

"I've been here for 8 years..."

My heart sank. I could almost swear I heard the impact as it seeped from my chest, out of my ass, and onto the cold tile floor. My crush had literally no idea who I was. Even after all that embarrassing stuff that had happened to me. At the same time, a small part of me was relieved due to this fact.

While we were doing the assignment together I realized how amazing he was. He talked in a way that was warm and inviting. He just gave off a very genuine vibe. Plus, he would actually make eye contact with me. It sent a rush of chills down my spine each time. No failure. Half of the time we spent doing the assignment was dedicated to us joking about the rumor spreading around that Mrs. Washington was this cam girl Ebony Claire.

The bell to signify that class was over sounded as Damien was talking.

"Hey, you're really cool. We should continue this again soon."

"Yeah." I said mesmerized while gazing into his perfectly shaded brown eyes. I almost felt as if our souls collided in that moment. The elation I felt was simply unrivaled.

"Definitely. You could swing by my table at lunch?"

"Yeah! – oh, I mean, yeah, yeah. I mean, I should be available I think." I caught myself before I exposed myself. I knew damn well I had no one to see and nowhere to be at lunch though. Ever

He chuckled before he exited. I was the last person to leave the classroom. I felt like I was walking on air. Like there was no need to rush to go anywhere. Nothing had ever felt this good in my life. And I was going to bask in it