"I am bent, but not broken. I am scarred, but not disfigured. I am sad, but not hopeless. I am tired, but not powerless. I am angry, but not bitter. I am depressed, but not giving up."
My biggest fear is myself. The way that i direct myself or should I say this pile of wasted flesh is very interesting to me. How I move thru everyday hating my own ability to live to some may very humorous to me, its complete and utter bull shit. It's stupid.
I'm Logan Janelle Post and I suffer from what I call "living inside of my head". The thoughts sometimes, well actually all the time are related to my social life. What everyone thinks; students, teachers, my best friend, even my own mother. I overthink EVERYTHING. What would they think if wore this or if I said that or addressed that. At a solid 16 years young, you would probably believe that I had my whole life planned out: My wedding, my kids genders, and names. Not even close because I worry too much. This is my life. My depressing life. My disease planted on the earth.
"Ms. Post, what's your answer?" I'm snapped out of my thoughts. I look up to see Mr. Romana.
"Hmm?" I reply. I'm such a head ass.
See how my overthinking works? Me being me, I'm distracted in the middle of class, while we're attempting test corrections.
"What's your answer?" Mr. Romana ask, he seemed impatient. This is math, my weakest subject. And like always, Mr. Romana chooses to pick on me.
"Umm. I, ugh, I don't know."
"Pay attention, Ms. Post." I nod in response, my lips pressed together. As he walks away I him a death glare then sit back in my seat trying to make sense of the marks he was making on the board.
About 15 minutes later, the bell rang. I gathered my backpack, notebook and cell phone, then bolted out of the classroom. Luckily, Mr. Romana was my last class of the day so now I could get out of this hell-hole.
"Logan!" a familiar voice says. I turn to see Niami walking toward me. A smile pulls at my lips.
"Hey girl." She says hugging me.
"Hey Ni." She pulls away as she adjust her purse on her shoulder then grabs my hand, intertwining our fingers.
"How was your day?" I give her a look. "That bad?" I nod. She sighs, "I'm sorry."
"How about you?" she says excitedly.
I smile, "That's great." She grins widely, her deep dimples showing. We begin walking down the hallway, fingers still intertwined.
"Bye Niami." Cameron, a fellow cheerleader of Ni says. Niami gives a wave in response. We push open the doors to exit the school then approach Niami's car. A small blue old school Cadillac. Releasing hands, we walk to opposite sides of the car. Her on the driver, me on the passenger. I wait as she unlocks the car before we both climb in. We lock in our seat belts and she starts the car. She turns on "Wake up in the sky" before pulling out of the parking lot.
" I drink 'til I'm drunk (yeah), smoke 'til I'm high (yeah)
Castle on the hill (well damn), wake up in the sky
You can't tell me I ain't fly (you can't tell me I ain't fly)
I know I'm super fly (I know), I know I'm super fly (I know)
The ladies love the luxury (yeah)
That's why they all fuck with me (woo)
Out here with the moves (yeesh) like I invented smooth
You can't tell me I ain't fly (you can't tell me I ain't fly)
I know I'm super fly (I know), I know I'm super fly "
I look over at Niami. She is so pretty. She was about 5'2,mixed, long curly hair, brownish eyes, athletic, perfect. Sometimes I wonder why she even wasted her time being around me. She's extremely popular and she could be friends with anybody she wanted ,but she chose me. Sure, some may say i'm a basket case, but my best friend Niami has held me together ever since 2nd grade when I was diagnosed. I honestly couldn't imagine my life without her.
She turns into the drive thru of Sonic and looks over at me. "The usual?" I nod. She tells the person the order as I reach into my backpack for my wallet. "No. Put it back." She says. I nod as she pulls towards the window paying then passing me my after school snack: Mozzarella sticks and Vanilla ice cream. Eating our snack, Ni drives to my house. Slowly she pulls into my drive way, cutting the engine, then got out. I unlock the door and we walk inside, leaving our shoes and backpacks by the door.
We walk down the hallway to my bedroom and have a seat on my bed. We both had finished out snacks in the car so we were just scrolling down our IG timelines. "Girl, Quincy Brown is so daddyish. Shit!" Niami says. I nod, he is cute just not my type, I guess.
I grab my fire stick controller and turn on Netflix. I go to a goofy movie then grab my cell phone. I began to watch peoples snap stories suddenly growing bored of Niami and I's conversation about how sexy she thought Quincy was.
I look over at Niami and she is lurking on Quincy Brown's instagram. I roll my eyes playfully then focus on the screen. A text message falls over the top of her screen. I swear she would probably marry that man the first chance she got if she wasn't dating Jacob.
Mom: Come on home. Dinners almost ready.
She looks over at me. " I gotta go." I nod then offer to walk her out. We get up and walk down the hall to the doorway. She places on her shoes, grabs her backpack, and keys, then gives me a hug before walking towards her car. She climbs in and I wave as she pulls out of the driveway.
When she's almost done, I go to my bedroom and lay down. I got kinda tired so i got cozy and decided to take a quick nap before my mom got home. She was most likely have a bottle of liquor in her hand so i'd have to steer her away from the bottle, bathe her, then put her to bed. Sometime I feel like I have to take care of her.
So How'd yall like chapter one?
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I don't Wanna do this Anymore
FanfictionLogan was classified with the group of depressants when she was in the second grade. Her bestfriend Niami has always been there for her ever since. Now that they are in high school, Logan has to learn to adjust to the fact that Niami can't be there...
