A Cowards Secrets||ralex

ONE

I just want to preface this story by saying there will most likely be an eating disorder. Your health is more important than this stupid book, so if it triggers you please stop reading.

"Rye no!"

"But he's my brother!"

"And? We have no room in this flat! We just got a steady filming schedule."

"But he's my brother. And either way, we let you to live here, so why can't we let him?"

"He's just going to be a neucence."

"Like you are right now?"

"You know what I mean."

"No I don't. I see my brother once a year. This is an opportunity for us to get closer. I don't care what you think, he's coming anyways." Rye left his own room. Presumly to go and talk to Andy.

It took one conversation to turn everything downhill. One conversation to fill up this place with one more guy. Were not even gonna have a place to live after this, everything will be broken by the seven guys living in a two bedroom flat. I guess I just have to live with it.

I heaved myself out of the bed so I could go to the restroom. As I wash my hands I look at myself in the mirror. The hideous man I've become. Sure I've got muscles and a jaw line. But how can someone too afraid to be himself be 'hot'. I'm just a coward. Too coward to tell my gay friends that I too am gay. I'm not into self-harming or I'm not suicidal, because I'm too coward. Im terrified of what may happen if I did hurt myself. Im too scared of the pain.

I splash water onto my face in hopes to lighten my dark circles under my eyes. I dry may face with the rough rag and accept defeat. The only thing that will clear the dark circles is sleep, and I can't sleep because I'm afraid of my dreams.

My dreams are what's caused my insecurities in the first place. They all had someone disapproving of me. Or someone laughing at me. Poking fun at everything they could from my unsymmetrical face to my stubby fingers. My dreams where never my favorite place to be, especially when they became true. I was bullied grade twelve. But I put up with it. Now their words join my dreams, and the only way to escape is to not sleep.

It's pretty easy not to sleep when you have a lot of people around. That's why I love it here. But what I don't love is the mess they make. Or the abundance of noise. Or the constant yearn for attention from each individual. That's why I don't want Ryes brother here. More mess, more noise, more attention seeking.

I hear screaming from the front. I suppose Robbie has gotten here already. I'm thoughts were conformed when Rye and someone who resembles Rye walked through the door.

"This is my room. You can sleep on my bed and I'll sleep on Andy's. And that's Elvis. Your roommate."

"Are you sure I can stay here? I don't want to be a bother."

"I promise you, it's fine. All the boys want you here, right Elvis?"

"Yea, totally." I tried to hide the sarcasm but it was dripping from each word. I couldn't help it.

"Rye!" Andy called. "Come here!"

"Looks like I've got to go. Make yourself at home."

Robbie gave a pity wave and headed over to What formally was Ryes bed. I don't know if he knew he was humming, but I hope he doesn't stop. One thing apparent is that the Beaumont family can sing. I tried editing but I was distracted by Robbie. He was putting clothes in the closet, and situating his stuff. He was strong like Rye but more bulky. His face is similar to Rye's, just a bit rounder. Their eyes are the exact same, it's kind of creepy honestly.

Why is every Beaumont hot?

Rye usually makes me feel like I have to prove myself. Make his stunts even more dangerous just so I could keep up. I'm not talented like the boys. The only thing I can do is lift weights and juggle. I might as well be a monkey with my talents.

But so far Robbie doesn't make me feel that way. He has a quiet manner about himself. Like he doesn't want to be in the spotlight. He's very particular in how he places his possessions. Putting time and care to make sure everything goes to its rightful place. It's soothing to watch him. Not chaotic like it is when watching the boys. It's a nice change.

He flashes me a smile when he notices me staring. I return a smile and look back down at my laptop.

Maybe, just maybe, I won't hate this living situation in its entirety.

A/N
I'm so excited for this. And I'm going to start shouting out people so I would like to shout out

@abbieyen16

Thank you for always being first to comment and making me smile.

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