La Douleur Exquis

5: Intermission I

I grew up in the smallest of towns, so small we did not even have our own zip code.

My father passed when I was a child, leaving my brother and me to be raised by my mother. She loved us dearly but was plagued by emotional issues.

Perhaps that's why it took me so long to realize.

I am not good with emotions, I am naturally logical. I do not yearn for love and crushes, though I desperately ache for the relief of my loneliness.

It has haunted me as long as I can remember.

The town I grew up in is located in Louisiana and is populated with Baptist Republicans who still refer to Halloween as "the Devil's birthday".

Change comes slowly here, perhaps because things move slowly here. Traditions are valued and followed closely.

It is like living in a time machine sometimes.

Faced with backlash and my own mixed up feelings, I did not recognize what was happening. How could I, I had never felt like it before.

It is a bittersweet feeling to think of it now.