It was the pain that I felt. Hot, searing pain. And that was it. That was all. It went from feeling like I was dying, to the numbness I felt. I was dying though. I am dead.
And then I woke up, the same, ugly white room I was in when I died. The stale air was no longer recognizable, and I didn't have to take deep breaths to sustain myself. The absence of my physical senses hung over me, and I realized that they were gone. It has been like that ever since then. I haven't been able to go feel the rough bark of wood on trees, the smooth water of the lake near my old house.
I'd been missing out on so much after that moment. It was odd, cold. Bad. But I felt better, significantly better, like my world had expanded beyond the horizons, like I was alive again. Then it got to me. Not being able to talk to anyone, watching my family be fine with the death of mine that tugged my friends heartstrings more than it did theirs.
After that, I hadn't felt anything. No happiness, no sorrow, just loneliness. Just that ache in your heart that you get when a friend or boyfriend (or even girlfriend) leaves you. It's the equivalent of feeling like the world has stopped, seeing that friend or ex in the hallways at school, or at the store, or on their Snapchat, having more fun than you ever had. It's that jealous ache when you see that they have new friends or a new lover, and you are forgotten.
Life for me, wasn't life. I was dead. I am dead. It's nothing more than that and nothing less. I searched for weeks for a way back. But I was hopeless. And now, I don't know what to do. All I do now, is stare at the sky, watch people being happy. Watch my old friends go on with their life.
I'd given up all hope when I saw my former best friend date my ex. The one who I loved, who I missed, who said they love me. Not her. And here she was, cuddling, loving, kissing, my ex. But there's nothing I can do now. I'm dead. Never coming back. It's pointless.
If I could go back though, I wouldn't. I don't want to see anyone. I killed myself for God's sake! Why would I want to go back? I am happy I died.
Or am I?
I don't get to speak to anyone. I always wander around. But I'm not happy, and I'll never be. I guess that's a part of dying. I guess I'll never be loved or be happy. Maybe it was pointless to die, and end my life.
But it was over and done with.
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Hello all! Uh yah that was my first post I guess, and the prologue of my story ahah! I'd like to just give you all some information!
1. The update schedule will be a bit weird but I'll figure it out soon and post it! It'll probably be every Friday, Saturday, or Sunday at 12 am!
2. The next part, or first chapter, will be kinda odd, but it will be about two months after this part! It will be giving out the main character's names and a general description of what they look like!
3. Feel free to criticize my writings, and stuff like that! I love constructive criticism!
4. This book will have swearing, and it is themed generally around getting out of depression. (Some background information here) the main character committed suicide, and is now seeing what she really did so, she's going back to a depressed life. And yah. This will be centered around triggering topics. Though there won't be much bad "too triggering" things in this.
5. Last but not least, fear not! This is only a short chapter because it's the prologue! I already have my first chapter done and that boy, is six pages on paper, soooo yah!
And that's about all! Thank you if you got here, for reading this! And have a great day!
- Madison
