Hopeless

Prologue

She watched as he walked away. She watched his strong legs, his steady gait moving further and further from her. She knew what he was walking away from, but she couldn't bring herself to tell him. His words echoed in her ears, their sound much like nails on a chalkboard, "I can't let myself love you anymore. We can't be together." Her head pounded as she replayed the scene in her head over and over. She grabbed the side view mirror of her car for support, her legs feeling like Jell-O; when they suddenly gave out, she simply sank to the ground, and gave in to the tears that had been knotted in the back of her throat since he turned away. Her vision blurred, and her slender body was wracked with heart-wrenching sobs; she didn't know how long she sat there and cried.

He stopped halfway across the parking lot, had to look back just once; he knew she loved him, and he loved her in turn. He watched her sink to the ground crying, but he couldn't make himself turn around and go to her- too much was at stake. He hoped that one day she'd understand why he did it, that he was just trying to protect her. He knew, with unfailing certainty, that he would love her until the day he died; he just hoped that their love was strong enough to withstand the time it would take for the danger to pass. A single tear escaped to slowly roll down his cheek, and he savagely brushed it away as he turned to continue walking away, telling himself that it wasn't forever, that she would one day understand that he was just keeping her safe. Jamming his hands in his pockets, he walked away as fast as he could; he knew that if he paused any longer, he would go to her, comfort her, and that would only put her in more danger.

She had no idea how much time had passed when she finally picked herself up off the ground, but it was now dark outside. She only knew that she was numb. She must have looked calm getting into her car; inside, a storm of emotion was still raging, but she wouldn’t allow herself to feel it any more right now- she needed to get home. She started her car, feeling cold all over, and blasted the heat. Her brain running on autopilot, she drove home, and pulled in the drive, eyes open but not really seeing anything. She mumbled a brief greeting to her mother and father before nearly stumbling up the stairs to her room. She walked into her room, closing the door behind her. Falling into her bed, she curled up into a ball, and gave into the emotional storm, and deep sorrow that had been plaguing her heart and soul since he walked away. She cried herself to sleep that night, and couldn’t find the strength to get herself out of bed for the next week.

One week later, something inside her changed. Though she was still feeling that soul-sucking sorrow, she got out of bed, showered, and got dressed for the day; she decided that if he truly wasn’t coming back, then she needed to pull herself up and find a way to move forward. She wasn’t just living for herself anymore, as he had thought she was. She looked at herself in the mirror, at her slender body which would soon be going through so many different changes. She touched her belly, which she knew would soon be swollen, and suddenly knew what she needed to do. Her resolve forced her to bury the part of her heart that she knew he would always occupy, and she faced the day with fresh eyes, which she vowed would never cry for him again.

 

 

 

 

***************************************************************************************************************

Author's Note:

Ok, I haven't written in a really long time, so please don't be too hard on me, but comments and questions and suggestions are always welcome and appreciated...

This is kind of a background before we really get into the meat and bones of the story and who they are, etc. This is actually based on a nightmare that I had last night, but I decided that, while the actual nightmare was truly terrifying and I don't really understand where it came from, I would try to work with it, and maybe it would have a happy ending... Thanks so much for reading.. :)

-M