on the flip side

Isaac: An Accident Turns Tragic

              "Damnit, Isaac, what was that for?" Jackson slams his controller onto the beanbag. "It's not my fault that I'm just that much better than you at Smash."
"Ugh. Dude, that's gay."

That was the ninth time (yes, I counted,) that he'd used gay as an insult that night. That was also the point that I made the worst not-mistake of my life.
Mistake, yes, because that day, I lost my best friend.
But not-mistake because apparently, my ex-best friend is a total douchebag.

"Yeah, and?"
"Not this again, dude."
"No, seriously. Jackson. What if I am gay, huh? Does that really make a difference?" Jackson rolls over and picks up his remote control. "Dude, chill. How you're acting right now is gay. Stop being such an overdramatic little fag."

Ten. And that's the point I lost it.

"You know what, Jackson. I don't even know why I've put up with this so long. What does being gay have to do with anything? It's not an insult. Frankly it doesn't even make sense. No one said gay people can't be good at video games. You're Catholic, aren't you supposed to, like, love everybody and whatever? So just stop it, you fucking immature neanderthal!"
He looks at me for a second with a face of contempt.
"Jackson, I'm gay."
"Oh."
And those were the last words he ever willingly spoke to me.

              I was supposed to spend the night, but instead I called my mom and said I was sick and had her pick me up. As I walked down Jackson Miles' hallways full of crosses and baptism and first communion pictures I feel smaller than ever. He was the first person I'd ever come out to. My best friend, really. Yet; here I stood walking down his hallways in shame. "What's wrong, sweetie?" Mrs. Miles asks when I enter the kitchen. "I don't feel good. I think I'm gonna go home."
"Aww I'm sorry, honey."
"Yeah, my mom's here. Thanks for having me." That was a lie, I told my mom that I would meet her by the entrance to their neighborhood just so I wouldn't have to wait in the most awkward silence that was ever know to man. "You're welcome! Feel better soon, Isaac." She says. Jackson's sister Mary waves goodbye to me from the kitchen counter where she's doing homework. "See ya soon, Isaac." She says.
"Yeah." I walk out the front door and wander through the neighborhood, looking at the stars.

              I hate light pollution. The way the stars don't seem complete in the sky. I know, I know. Stereotypes or whatever. "Gay kid likes astronomy," oh well, but I really like the stars. They make me feel less alone for some reason. The stars don't judge me for liking boys and that was enough for me. My mom rolls up in her super old, ratty Toyota Corolla. "What's wrong, Isaac." She knows me like the back of her hand. She can tell that something's up just by the way that I opened the door and sit in the car; she knows that something is wrong and it isn't my physical health. I take in a deep breath.
"Mom, I'm gay."
"Oh." She says. Her 'Oh' is a lot kinder than Jackson's stiff one. "I think Jackson hates me." I say. She takes her hand off the wheel and reaches over to mine. "I'm sure that's not true," She says. But of course it is true. She doesn't want me to worry. Mothers worry, it's their job, but they never want us to be remotely worried about anything except keeping decent grades in school. "Well, why don't my favorite gay son and I get some ice-cream at Millie's before we go home?" She asks, breaking the silence. "Mom I'm your only son."
"Shhhhhh." I giggle as she turns on the radio. Hey, if Jackson hated me, who cares, right? I have the best mom in the entire world. We scream the lyrics to a cheesy 80's love song as we drive to Millie's Ice Creamery. It was our favorite cheer-up place. We literally go there so much, we're on a first name basis with the entire staff. When my dad left in the second grade, we went to Millies, when my fish died in sixth grade, we went to Millies, when my mom lost two of her three jobs at the same time, straight to Millies. I guess now we can add my entire life being one catastrophic gay crisis to that list.