constellations ― markhyuck [discontinued]

EIGHT

what do you want me to do?

it's been three days since he last saw donghyuck.

he doesn't know why he's so nervous to pick up his phone and text the boy—maybe it's the fact that he had seen donghyuck at his most vulnerable, and maybe that reminded him of himself, or maybe he's just not ready to deal with loss again, but he physically can't bring himself to contact donghyuck.

it's a monday morning, and he has class in an hour, but mark is still lying in bed, staring at the ceiling as the sun streams in through his blinds. when he tries to get out of bed, his muscles don't comply. for a few short seconds, he thinks he's paralyzed, maybe even dead, but then he remembers that this was how he felt after the funeral.

his mouth dries up, and he swallows thickly, a familiar weight settling in his stomach that he hasn't felt since his senior year.

he's reliving the past. it's his own worst nightmare.

heaving a sigh, mark rolls over onto his side so that he's facing his window. surprisingly, he doesn't see anything that's not real. years ago, he used to.

mark shuts his eyes. immediately, he startles, eyes flying open again. he can see everything vividly in his mind. he can see blood. he can see bruises. he can see a body in his arms, and he can feel tears rolling down his cheeks and gently dripping onto a pale, dying face.

the side of his face feels wet. he's crying.

he hasn't cried in a while.

he can feel a ball of stress in his chest, waiting to attack, tight and tense and cold and he finds that he can't quite breathe as well as he previously had been.

"maple—" he rasps as loud as he can, choking on the coil of tension that unravels in his chest, takes hold of every part of him until he's curled in on himself, wheezing and letting out quiet, muffled sobs.

maple is in the room in a matter of seconds. mark thinks he's never been gladder to have an emotional support dog. she pulls herself onto the bed, buries her head between his knees and his forehead, and lies on top of him.

the doorbell rings. mark thinks that this is really not the time.

"mark? i brought you something." donghyuck's familiar timbre calls, the sound echoing through the house. maple rises and vaults off the bed, retreating into the hallway, presumably to let donghyuck in.

"maple, no," mark tries to call, but he finds his voice doesn't work anymore. he pulls his knees to his forehead, then pulls his blanket over himself. if donghyuck is going to find him, donghyuck is not going to walk him on him having a panic attack in the open.

he can hear the clicking of maple's claws on the hardwood floor as she walks alongside donghyuck's quick, heavy footsteps.

mark's chest constricts a little more, and he thinks with certainty that he is going to die.

maple lets out a pitiful whine right outside mark's bedroom door, picking up the pace as she bolts to mark and burrows her way under the cover. mark covers his face and shudders. all he can see now is blood, blood, blood, ringed around the mouth of the corpse in his mind's arms, on his clothes, on the sidewalk. staining pretty and pale skin. dripping out of a mouth that he can no longer kiss.

"don't leave," mark whispers, hoarse, "no, don't leave, you can't leave—"

"mark? it's me, donghyuck. i'm right here."

the footsteps get closer. in his mind, the body in his arms tumbles from his grip, and then a man in white gear is hoisting it up over his shoulder, letting its jaw hit his back with a loud crack, and mark lets out a pitiful cry.

"you can't take him, don't take him from me... he's all i have..."

thoughts are spilling from mark's lips as fast as he can generate them. he thinks, briefly, that this is his personal hell.

"hey," donghyuck says, taking a seat on the side of the bed that's not occupied by maple. mark feels his blanket peel back even further, and suddenly, donghyuck is cocking his head at the way maple fits herself into mark's arms.

maple whines at donghyuck expectantly. mark realizes she's too smart of a dog. she's waiting for donghyuck to help her.

hesitantly, donghyuck lies down next to mark, circles his arms around the older, and drops his forehead onto the small of mark's back.

"it's okay," donghyuck whispers, taking mark's wrist his hand, finding the vein, and running the pad of his thumb along it. "look. your blood still flowing. you're breathing. i'm here, and you're going to be okay. i promise."

"he's dead," mark cries. the spot on his wrist that donghyuck had touched goes numb. "they took him from me."

"i'm sorry," donghyuck whispers, tightening his hold around mark. "is there anything i can do for you?"

"...sing to me?" mark breathes, eyes flying open. he remembers that donghyuck had had a beautiful singing voice the night that they had listened to the radio together. "he used to sing to me." just the thought of a voice—any voice—singing him to sleep sends his heart wild.

donghyuck starts to hum the tune to a song that mark had once known. he doesn't remember it anymore, but it's comforting, and his breathing evens out the further into the song donghyuck gets. when donghyuck actually begins to sing, he shuts his eyes, pulling maple closer to his chest.

the lyrics are in english. mark finds comfort in the way donghyuck glides through the words with ease. he thinks that nothing can be more beautiful of a sound than donghyuck's voice.

as the pain in his chest fades and his mind clears, mark thinks that this must be the most embarrassing thing to ever happen to him.

funnily, though, he doesn't care, and instead listens to the lyrics of donghyuck's ballad until he falls asleep.

fading in and out of consciousness, he thinks that in donghyuck's arms he is safe, that he is warm. briefly, he thinks that he is home.

—

"i want to sleep next to you
but that's all i want to do right now

and i want to come home to you
but home is just a room full of my safest sounds

'cause you know that i can't trust myself
with my three a.m. shadow

and i'd rather fuel a fantasy
than deal with this alone

but i want to sleep next to you
and that's all i want to do right now

so come over now
and talk me down."

-donghyuck's song.

—

xodaniel