Left Behind~ Melix Fanfic[Discontinued]

Desision [CH6]

             ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Felix~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I just close my eyes and just wonder those perfect moment with her. All those thing was all I could imagine. I just can still somehow imagine her in my head, hugging me tight, while I'm snufling with her. We, watching some movie and eating ourself to the death, laughing our butt of in some of the parts, crying our eyes dry or just cuddling when there's a romance part. She laying down my chest and I holding her. Those moment are just memories now. Just memories. I'm feeling so cold  and heartless inside. I'm so weak.

First time we saw us

First time we kiss

First half years we spented in Sweden

First time we met both of our parents

Little things, which has so much meaning, For me, for her. She has took a huge part of me. I have think these things alot. Before all this shit, I though that I'd not cry or get hurt that much. I'd first find her as soon as possible. Easy, right? I was wrong. Of course I'd die unwillingly about her. What the hell I was thinking then? I think I was then just so stupid and..and... SELFISH that I didn't imagine this pain like this. It feels like someone would have stab in your heart, literally. This, is true love. This, is what it feels like being in love, and get broken. The biggest thing just makes that it was true, I swear. Before her, I though that I couldn't find anyone, who'd be with me for the rest of our entire life. Who'd be someone like me? Who'd have a sick humor, but still laugh for a dry joke? Who'd laugh for herself? Who'd share her craziest things with me? Who'd love me like I'd love her? Yes, this one girl. This one girl chanced my life completely, but in a positive sense of course. As I've said before, it was the craziest things what I have done in my life, but the most best things I have done. I fell in love with this amazingly beautiful girl from Italy instantly. So I believe in love at first glance. At least I loved her at first glance, so it's always possible. I've always said to fight for your love, and....

''Wait..what?'' I mumbled and raised my head from my hands. It was so lighting, because I haven't look there for a long time. I blinked my eyes so I could get comfortable with the light. I robbed my eyes and shaked my head.

''What have you DONE?!'' I blame myself while punching my head. How have I been such an idiot?! You are a real idiot, Felix, REALLY FUCKING IDIOT!

 Finally I have been blame myself too long. There's no time to do this anymore. I have let this thing last too long,far too long. I'm such a jerk. I don't alot time to do this, so I have to keep going. There will be only two things after I have done this. I can suck this, or I can make this. There's no another thing. This will chance my life as much, as her. I raised my head slowly, and rubbed my eyes. They were hurting a little, maybe because I cried so much. I think my eyes were red, at least it feels like that. So I finally maked my feet and arms move, so I could get up. I got up so quickly, that I felt a little bit dizzy, so I took a leaning from the table. I shaked my head so It'd help me abit, and it helped. I lifted my look away from the table and walked around the table few times, so I could get myself up. Then I remember something. I still have my phone, right? So I picked it up from my pocket and looked to the corner of my phone screen. There was some web beams, so we had our internet connection still. I could barely see, so I put the tablelight on and get enough close it. Then I seached  her name from my contacts and replied to her:

''Where are you? I miss you so much already.. I'm gonna find you, no matter what. Just, stay alive. I love you. ''

Message send. That's all what I just send her. I wanted to keep it short and strong, so I'd not take too much time. So I waited, and waited, but there didn't ever read ''read''. Of course there wouldn't, why would there? Well, at least I tried my best. I sighed and looked again to the my screen. First I looked there quickly, but I check it better. Then I notice something weird. I looked closer my phone. I was just so amazed and skood my head. I couldn't believe it. It just didn't make any sense.