Every long day used to be the same to me. Tapping my pen in class impatiently, thinking obsessively over Marvel comics and movies. What new theories could I come up with today? What fan-art could I create today? What AU (Alternate Universe) stories could I write about his characters today? Which movie could I re watch today? Which comic should I buy or re read today? When will school be over so I could escape reality?
I'd rush home just to turn over those pages, to smell the sweet scent of adventure behind the illustrations. The voices, actions, sounds, people, I could hear it, see it and feel it all. There was always a way that I would become engulfed in the long journey of the character. A way where I could become the character and get lost in my own world.
Bruce Banner. One of the most originally structured, tragic and under appreciated characters. He was a character I grew a bond and attachment to, a character I could relate to. A character that I would aspire to be, despite all his flaws. A truthfully humain character that sent meaningful and profound messages to the readers. A character that had the magic of fiction on him (the ability to transform into the Incredible Hulk), but also retained realistic traits in him.
Without Stan Lee's inspiration, I would have never made myself the writer I am today. I would have stayed hidden in my shell and suffered every day endlessly with no light to escape reality. I would awkwardly lock myself in my room, lay down and stalk whatever was on Netflix or Instagram, feeling numb and forever lacking the strength to pull myself out and socialise.
But I didn't. I felt muse pumping in my heart every time I thought of something Marvel related. I generally felt happier, and would share my positivity with others. Sometimes I would wake up with exhilaration at 4:30 in the morning with a fresh idea that I could write down to entertain myself and others, usually from the perspective of Bruce Banner. I noticed a drastic change in myself, and especially my grades in English. My writing had improved grandly from the endless stories I would write in relation to Marvel.
I was unequivocally changed as an individual and irrevocably transformed into a brighter and more charismatic person, because I knew that I wasn't alone in terms of feelings, and I knew that I always had something to look forward to.
All of the amazing Marvels fans I had met on my journey created their own community where we could become our dorky selves without being judged. A place where we could Roleplay together - to write countless possibilities of stories in the perception of each person's unique flavour of their favourite character. A place where we could love our fictional world and live there until it was time to snap back to reality. I could swear that every time someone on the other end created a plot twist, my day would be spent excitedly thinking of a way to make it even more intriguing. Sometimes the writing was so deep it made me emotional, sometimes it was so unique that it made me laugh.
I know thousands of people in this world felt the same about Stan Lee, whether it was for the Fantastic Four, Spider Man, Black Panther, or all of the other magnificent creations he had written. But to me, a young broken girl who was simply going through a hard time... it was simply incredible to know I had finally found a true passion - colours in a monochromatic world - stars in the night - a diamond in the rough - a light in a tunnel.
Watching Stan Lee appear in every MCU movie always made me smile. His disguises and acting always caught me off guard and made me laugh, reminding me of his true nature in the Marvel universe - the God of his creations.
This time, I'm talking to Stan Lee. Yes, I'm talking to you, as just a mere teenager who obsesses over you and your talented skills that became your long line of work. Wherever death may have led, I hope it is as blissful as the joy your talent filled in our hearts. May you rest in deep tranquility until we one day meet. I hope I can make you proud as I strive through your golden light as my idol. I love you Stan. We love you. Though I have tried to see your death as a blessing for your long delightful life, I still can't help but feel the shatter in my heart.
You may have written and created superhero's. But you, Stan Lee, you are my superhero.
