My Cry For Help.🙌

Hurt

    I was blessed to live to see 20, but sometimes I just wish my life would come to an end. I have this feeling in my heart that says give up and be done. I just wanna be great. I ask God repeatedly everyday, why me ? Why this life ?
     He says everything happens for a reason with a lesson in the middle, but sometimes I just wish iknew what that reason is . What's the lesson ?. I'll never know. My life's is filled with a whole bunch of unanswered questions. Is this God everyone speaks of real ?. Is this God I believe in real.? Where is he at when I need him most ?
     My life is so crazy that noones gonna understand it but me. I have a whole lotta anger built up inside me, that noone even See's it. They look at me and tell me it's good that I'm a happy person. Who says I'm happy ? My smile ? Ohh that don't mean I'm happy it's just keeps me from crying.
     It's crazy because at times when I'm around noone I just start crying. Not because of what someone said to me, but because I'm hurt. I always feel like wen I'm hanging with a person family or not , that I'm fucking with them stronger than they fucking with me , because nobody really there when I need them the most.
    I always get judged about my past, but I feel that maybe if I felt loved and appreciated at the house then I wouldn't have been out searching for love. Nobody ever let's me know they care about me until something happens to me, like I'm in a life or death situation or maybe I even could be miles away.
     My life just crazy that i don't even get why ?. I remember everything a person ever did or said to me. Just cause I'm cool with a person doesn't mean I have anger for you. It's all there somewhere.
    It's crazy cause I been riding for people that wouldn't even cross an ocean for me. But that's straight though. I just feel I deserve to be happy.
       
      I got more to the hurt.
I'm hurt bc I can't forget the way ppl treat me.
    I'm hurt because the things people do.
I'm hurt because of what people say to me. I'm hurt because I go all out my way for people that wouldn't even jump in front of a bus for me .
I care entirely way to much and gets nothing in return.
    I'm hurt because I feel like noone can see me.
Noone can feel my pain
Noone tries to help me.
I been tryna get on my shit for the longest,but who's helping ?
I'm hurt.
Because when I'm physically hurt my family laughs, and wanna see me in pain rather than take me to the emergency room.
      I'm just hurt physically and emotionally.
     At night, I turn the lights off thinking over everything in my head. Just wishing my life coulda turned out differently. I think life over and cry myself to sleep. Now I'm in a puddle of blood thinking life over. Wishing I'll just bleed out and put a end to this pain that has been eating me up on the inside.