A Journey Through Time and Space

Chapter 4 - 2 of 3

Clarke's POV

Next vest, next person. There was one girl who was forever in and out of my thoughts and dreams. If she hadn't of died so many people would have lived. Roan, Luna, Illian, all of those who were lost in the conclave, the Natblidas and probably so many more. There was so much bloodshed once Titus started with hers. Lexa had a bullet rip through her stomach and she died in my arms. I never got to say a proper goodbye. What about all the things I wanted to say to her, tell her? The alive her never knew I loved her and still love her. It wasn't about me though, it was about our people.

Maybe she didn't need the vest, maybe I could've just not slept with her. It made logical sense but I didn't want to deprive myself of that moment of freedom from responsibilities. I'm just one person and so much was expected of me, she expected nothing but for me to be myself. She deserved to live more than any other in my eyes. The bullet was meant for me, not her. So many had given their lives in our fight for survival but she gave hers for little old me. She probably regretted it, I wasn't worth it; I was barely one of her people. It wasn't the time for self-doubt though, I just had to save her.

I put in the coordinates for Polis, I was currently still a Skaikru ambassador so could roam almost wherever. Lexa had trusted me with my own freedom, she had threatened everyone's lives of course but only because I was an ambassador, right? I didn't have time to figure out the real reason, although I kind of already knew it. I had to save Lexa.

179 56 39.4
0 2 46.2
38.5976
80.4549
77.1945
16/02/2150
5:28 pm

I knew we were still in her room and I managed to get into the tower without any trouble still though. Claiming I forgot something worked remarkably well. I waited in the corridor. Titus or Murphy wouldn't have seen me and no one else would've looked. I would hear the gunshots and be able to run the vest in to Lexa before she ran out. The plan was in place. Now I had to wait. As I did so I started to consider what may happen if she survived. Would I have stayed since an attempt had technically been made on her life or would I have gone because I was the intended target and why she'd been shot? Being me I'd have wanted to stay and may have gotten away with it as I had medical training and it could be seen as making peace. On the other hand, she'd have been safer without me. If I could guarantee her safety I would; she was the most important person to me. I may always have to put my people first but she helped make me who I was.

I came to seemingly continuous potential crossroads beyond just leaving. I then remembered what was going to happen. The memories of all the people scaling the side of the tower came to mind. Would she take the chip? If she did then I wouldn't be able to save the world again but she could, she didn't know what she had to do and may not have made the same decision but she could. Would she make the same decision I had? She had seen the deaths of the past commanders. Seeing A.L.I.E. could stop her because she didn't know what an AI is. To her, she would be looking at the first commander. I couldn't let the entire survival of our race depend on that. She wouldn't even feel the chip's effect and wouldn't understand that it wasn't right for people to live that way. If I stayed and guided her through the process she'd still probably take the chip. I wouldn't know any better because I hadn't seen what it did to Raven and my people wouldn't even trust me. It was a huge decision to make. I couldn't just blindly trust fate because if I changed too much I may not get to change anything again. I reset and went back to the new planet.

Nothing had changed so I knew I hadn't messed anything up, too badly anyway. I couldn't save her in exchange for the entire human race. I loved her so much but she wouldn't want that, I couldn't force it on her anyway. Having that guilt on her wouldn't be fair. Her life's mission was to have them happy and safe, I wouldn't get in the way of that. I had to keep the weight on my shoulders, for now. I had to think harder than what was just on the outside to save her.