Replay

03

Thomas sipped of his tea, looking at Kaya while she sat down. She truly had driven him to her place and offered him a tea. Why it was still a mystery to Thomas and he wasn't really sure if it was really the best decision to be there with her.

"Tell me Thomas. How do you feel about Dylan." she asked, raising her eyebrows in expectation while taking a gulp of her coffee.

"What do you mean? I-I don't know I just... I'm still not sure." Thomas mumbled, always changing the way he was holding his cup, he didn't know what to do or how to act so he started spinning his cup slowly in his own hands.

"No. It's not that. I want to know how you feel about your relationship with him. Do you even think there is a relationship at all?" Kaya asked, sitting on her legs.

"Relationship...? I don't think there's any affection between us at all. If he'd even talk to me it would surprise me," Thomas took a break, sighing loudly before talking again, "I hurt him Kaya. A lot. He didn't deserve it, not that way at least. I-I don't know man I just... I messed up like, badly. You should have been there, you should have seen his face, his expression. He was so weak, not himself. It was like a 6 year old child afraid of clowns had took over him. And exactly that is the worst part. He wasn't angry, he was hurt, weak and especially scared."

Thomas felt his chest ache. He didn't want to hurt his friend the way he did back then. It was dumb and foolish of Thomas to think what he did was acceptable and the worst part of everything was that there were really at least 3 months where Thomas couldn't realise what was the big mistake he had done. It took the Brit 3 months to realise how much he had touched his friend's heart. Yet, he was still too much of a coward to apologise. Thomas thought it was too late anyways, that Dylan would never forgive him and above all, he didn't find the right words. There were no words that could heal what Thomas had done, how he exposed Dylan the way he did, how he left out the bomb without thinking.

"I just... Kaya I'm not sure I can see him standing in front of me. I'm scared of what he'll do, how he'll act, what he'll say. I can't just stand there in front of him pretending nothing happened anyways? Why didn't he tell the world how cruel I could actually be? Why didn't he expose me? Why didn't he ruin me the way I ruined him?" Thomas could feel how his eyes started watering slowly; a light shiver traveling trough his spine.

"Because he knows you're a good person Thomas." Kaya took the Brit's free hand in hers, looking at him with a comforting smile. She didn't want Thomas to cry. Whenever someone would cry Kaya would immediately start feeling her eyes water, tears eventually leaving them.

"Kaya I beg you. That's the stupidest thing you ever said. You know what I did to him. Nobody deserves that, not that way." Thomas said, his voice shaky.

Kaya put her coffee down before taking Thomas' cup and placing it next to hers on a small table. She now took both of his hands, still a small smile on her face: "Thomas. What you did was wrong, yes. But I also know that Dylan loves you so much. Or at least he did love you. I told you since the day you confessed to me that it would be more reasonable of your side to just apologise but, you didn't. And maybe that made things worse in Dylan's field. But he loved you once. So much. And if he loved you once it means he can love you again. And eventually he will."

"I'm not even sure if I want that to be honest."

Kaya sighed, pulling the taller boy into her arms, stroking his hair slowly: "You are a beautiful soul Thomas Sangster. And I love you. And I'm sure Dylan will learn how to love you again. It's possible. But you need to know that you can't just jump on a boat without knowing where it leads you. It was a mess back then yes, so you have to try and be more reasonable this time. Think twice. Just be careful."