A tortured soul

His people revered him, believed him to be the living embodiment of the god of war Bishamonten. While other still feared him often calling him a woman hater., A warmonger and the deadly dragon of echigo.

Oh if they only knew the truth that drove him and his blood lust on the fields of battle. Thean perhaps they would understand way he lusted for his own death, for his life to come to a bitter end so he could finally have true inner peace. Perhaps then they would understand way he hand chosen to cut the fair sex out from his life.

Kinshin clutched at his chest while he lay abed with his thought. He wanted to rip this crusade heart of his from his chest, just so he would not have to relive that nightmare, of love and loss

But yet still he longed to feel warm loving arms hold him at night. To fell ever inch and curve of a womanly body writhing with lustful passion under him. To her a woman's soft cries of blissful delight as he ravished her with all that he was and could be.

If he were honest with himself he craved it with all his being. But yet he still denied himself of that which he wanted most.

Kenshin closed his eyes against these wretched thoughts fulling his mind.

"augh" he uttered as he swatted the air in front of his face. Why oh why did it have to be this way. Every damn night was the same and tonight was no different.

No sooner had he closed his eyes did her face drifted in to view. First as he remembered her, when she was young and vibrant. Oh by the gods he had loved her then with all that he was and even now he felt the same. But that face twisted and aged to what she would have looked like now.

Oh .., she had only grown in her beauty from her youth, to the woman she would have been to day. Her body now well-formed and shapely. Her every curve limed in the outline of her kimonos folds and the drape of lush fabric. Her waist and full ample breasts only accentuated by here lovely obi sash.

Once more Kenshin clutched at his chest. His heart aching from his cursed mined and it's train of thought . oh by the gods and the 9 hells. WHY! why did he torture himself this way every damn night with these images of the young love he lost.

All too soon a single tear shed from his emerald eye, then another joined it from his eye of sapphire. worm and salty his twin tears rolled down his elegantly sculpted cheeks to pool on his delicately chiseled chin. Soon the pooling tears dripped off only to brake softly with a splash on that hollow of neck where his adamsappel sat.

With mounting frustration and self hatred he he violently rubbed at his eyes with the back of his right hand and part of his lower arm. But it did not stop the tears from coming one after the other, buring a hot sting trail as they fell unwontedly.

All he wanted was to die in that moment. How he so wished to be on the field of battle right now sword in hand a worthy enemy across from him . By the gods he wanted to die so this would all come to a end . Death was better than this hell he was living. It was better than thinking of her, Of think of what might of been, the children they would have had by now.

In tortured agony he flung the cover off before springing to his feet. He was seething with anger and selflothing as he padded across the floor his every step sing of this

He barely held himself rigid to keep the shaking at bay he was that upset with himself.

One eye of forest green and one of ocean blue where a light with his self hatred and anger. Smothering with this sheathing fire his eyes flitted over the dark room of the inn. They first fell to his bed the covers a rumpled mass and he uttered a curse to himself. Next his eyes of blue green fire came to rest on the low table and a single cup and a sake jug that sat on it.

With favored hast Kenshin moved to the low table and sat himself before it. one hand reaching for the cup the other for the jug.he used his teeth his pull the cork from the jug. The popping sound like a Siren's song started to soothe his pained and troubled mind.

Soon enough he was downing one cup after the other. In the in vain hope it would take all these unwanted thoughts and feelings from him. The clear liquid burnt as it went down. Ever cup was doing its job of numbing his senses. Yet his heart, his mind and most of all his soul where still in utter anguish. No amount of drink would end this torment he knew that, but still he drank until The Jug was empty.

Stand perhaps a bit to fast Kneshin wobbled on his feet. He could barely feel his body now even as he staggered his was back to bed. As he pulled the covers over him once more or at least tried to his eyes where hooed slits fluttred closed.

Blissfully to drunk to think let alone cair. he drifted off into a dreamless sleep. No more thoughts of of her filling his mind and tearing at his heart and soul.

This was how even night was for Kenshin Uesugi. from the day Isme took her own life to the present. His heart mind and soul constantly wracked with grav pain of what he thought he hand lost. What he thought cursed by his own love had killed and would kill if ever he would open himself up to love an other woman.

He could never doom a woman to that cursed fate never. So he would live in this hell night after night.Hoping that the new day would bring what he wish for most yet it never came and this left him with this one thought.

He Kenshin the god of war could only be what he truly was. A tortured soul longing to find love.