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chapter 5 - still affect me

Chase steel

I look at her figure fade away , these past 5 years , my life had been disasters .

My life is a mess without and i know that its all my fault . Im the one who walk away and leave her . I deserve her ignore , i didnt deserve her love , i didnt deserve her .

I sighed and look at penelope who look at me .

"do you want to go home ???" i asked as she nodded

I lift her to my arms .penelope is my sister's daughter , she passed away when she give birth to her . Also , her father is nowhere to be found , we had been searching for him this past years .

So ..penelope is under my responsibility .

We arrived at home after a few minutes as i lift penelope who already fall asleep and put her in her room.

I kissed her forehead and made my way to my room as i lay myself on my bed.

I closed my eyes only to made me open my eyes back .

I imagine about her again .

I open my drawer and swallow my sleeping pills .
I had these pills on the day i left her .
I lay back on the bed as the sleep took over me.

Kiara howland

I look at noah who already asleep on the bed . I saw jonas laying beside him , patting noah so that he fall asleep .

"do you want to tell chase about his son ???" jonas asked

"no..and i dont think i ever seeing him again " i said confidently .

"you need to tell him very soon , he needs to know that he has a responsibility over someone , if its not you , its noah . " he said and i become silent .

"i know that you hate him because he left you , but he has the right to know about his son " he said .

"i didnt hate him ..i...still..love him " i said as i whispered at the last part . Tears escaped my eyes .

I felt jonas hugging me .

"its okay , i will be there " he said

"also ...he thinks noah is yours and ..even though he is just a few inches away , my heartbeat still quickens , it still affect me ." i said .

next day

me and my son went to the parents teacher meeting , so I went to my walk in closet and wore peach knee length dress , while noah wore white t shirt and black shorts .

we went downstair and found a note from Jonas saying that he will come back next week .

' I will come back next week , the agencies need me at the Portugal because of the earthquake , sorry not to tell you earlier . ' - Jonas

I smile at the notes , he said that I can continue my work if I get ready . so this past years Jonas helped me .

I lift noah and put him on the baby car seat as I went to the driver seat .

we arrived at noah's school for 10 minutes . I take noah's hand and walked to their classroom , and relief at the sight of empty classroom except for the teacher .

she smile at the sight of me .

"good morning , ms .howland, and noah " she said . I greet her back .

" so ..does my kid behave at the school" I asked as I sat on the chair infront of the teacher .

"of course , he is the most behave student ever , he is kind , sweetheart , and his result are good too . sometimes he speak like an adult . he has brilliant brain ." she said as I glance at noah who smilling at me . I peck his cheek .

"you did good honey " I said .

after a good 5 minutes we left and went to the toy store as I promised Noah .

"honey , you can chose what you want just search me me around the store okay ??" I said .

"okay mommy , I love you " he said cutely as he dash to the toys store part .

I look around the nursery part as i heard a little girl's voice calling their parent i follow the voice and stopped at the little girl and i recognize it immediately .

"penelope??" i asked as she ran at me , tears running down her cheek .

"what happened honey ??" i asked

"i cant find my daddy " she said but cooed her .

"its okay we wait for him okay just follow me okay ??" i asked as she nodded taking my hand as i lift her up .

"thank you aunt kiara " she said but i just smile .

I look through the nursery rack and put on my trolley then i went to noah who has a full of toys on his small trolley then i look at penelope who look around maybe trying to see for chase

"penelope " i said . She looked at me and i lookat her eyes who had the same as chase only that penelope are a little darker.

"do you want some toys , you can chose , just take what ever you want " i said then she nodded happily .

I let her down to choose her toys then i caught noah looking at her blushing , i shooked my head chucklin softly making him looking at me .

After a few minute waiting for penelope choose and me helping her ws went to grab some food . I told the counter to take it to my car as i already unlock it.
To be honest , its really fun talking with penelope .

Noah and her also become friends .

We went to the McDonald as i saw chase running toward us , as he stopped panting . i look at him with frown , me and Penelope had the same expression .