It Was Always Xander

Stand By You

"Cassia, I know you will go after Ky no matter how much I tell you not to. I understand that you have to do this and that may mean I-I'll never see you again..."he said, tears rapidly filling his eyes.

I wanted to tell him to stop. That everything would be okay but I couldn't. Xander never cried. I was frozen, wondering how I'd never seen this side of him.

This caring, worrying, crying side of him. And before I knew it, I was crying too, not wanting to let go of this person who'd grown to mean so much to me.

In a single stride I crossed the distance between us and embraced him. He returned the gesture and we stood there, holding on to each other like this love was the only thing keeping us tethered to the earth. This love....love. The realization struck me and I knew it then, just how I knew that the sky was blue, that I loved Xander Carrow. After all this time of denying it and pushing it away into the deepest parts of myself, the love was still there, stronger than ever, coursing through every vein in my body.

"Xander..."I started.

"It's okay it's okay" he said slowly, like somehow that would make it true. "You don't have to explain anything"

"But I do" I cried, stepping back to look at him. "I still lo-"

"Don't" he said, his face suddenly hardening. Was that anger I saw?

"What? Why?"

"You can't tell me you love me and run off again Cassia. Do you know how hard it was to let you go? I would sit up at night wondering if I'd done the right thing and wondering whether you were thinking of me, too. Hoping against hope that somewhere in your heart, you still loved me. I'm not asking you to say something you don't mean-"

"But-"

"-just don't forget me ,okay?" Any trace of anger I saw before was gone, replaced by pain.

"Oh, Xander" I broke into tears again, wracked with guilt and confusion.How could I want both Ky and Xander? He took me in his arms, as I sobbed into his chest, tenderly stroking my head and let me be for a while.When I could finally breathe again, he cupped my face in his hands and his thumbs went to my cheeks, gently brushing away my tears.

"Cassia" just the way he said my name filled me with warmth and made me look up into his eyes. His bright and beautiful blue eyes, now shimmering with tears."You're the strongest, bravest, most beautiful person I've ever known and I will always-"

I pulled his mouth to mine, forgetting, for once about the invisible lines that kept us apart.His eyes widened in shock but he slowly responded.The kiss brought back a memory from a lifetime ago; the scent of newlyplanted flowers. But while the kiss we shared back then was sweet and hopeful this one was fiery and passionate. We held on to each other like we were the only ones alive.

It made me realize- I didn't just love Xander, I needed him. We'd been through too much together to fall apart now.

When he pulled away, there was a smile resting on his lips.He seemed content. But it was quickly replaced by a look of sorrow that broke my heart.

Why? his eyes were asking. I thought. My whole relationship with Ky was over a few months. Now that I look back at it, it feels like a blur. The idea of doing something against the Society made me reckless. The secrecy made it feel special. I still love him but I no longer feel the rush of emotion I used to when I think of him. My love for Ky was an explosion, chaotic and shortlived, while my love for Xander a steady flame, growing rapidly. Xander has always been there for me and I know in my heart that he always will.

"Xander, listen to me. You've always been my best friend and when we got matched I was so happy. Yes, I got swept away with the whole thing with Ky" he winces as i say this. "It made me feel rebellious. Even now, I still care for him.But I never stopped caring for you, too. Staying away from you for this long has made me realize just how important you are to me.

"You wondered if I was thinking about you?" I say sadly, shaking my head. "I couldn't spend a day without missing you. Wanting you near. But it's more than that. I need you, Xander".I looked deep into his eyes, imploring him to understand. "I need you."

Xander stood there motionless and I fear I've upset him somehow. But then he slowly shakes his head, as though waking from a dream.

"You have no idea how much I've longed for those words."He breaks into a small, hopeful smile."I love you, Cassia Maria Reyes. I always have"

"I love you too, Xander Thomas Carrow" I say, joy spreading through my entire body, lighting me up on the inside.I was Xanders and Xander was mine. It was so right.

I didn't think I could ever feel this way again. We just stood there for a while looking at each other, not speaking, enjoying this new found feeling.

After what seemed like an eternity, Xander asked "So what now?"

The fact that he will have to leave again hits me and I softly say, "I still have to find him. Don't get me wrong-"

"Cassia, I get it. You don't have to explain. You're much too kind to leave him there. I love that about you. Besides, he's my friend,too. When are we leaving?"

"We? You have to-"

"No I don't. Wherever you go, I go."

I kiss him again, unable to contain my happiness. We were going to find Ky together and everything was going to be okay.

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And Ky ends up with Indie and Indie doesn't die and everyone lives happily ever after:)