It hurts and pisses me off at the same time.

10 0 0
                                        

A.N: Sorry guys. I'm just really stressed right now and needed to rant on a thing or so. 

~~

I haven't seen you in years. You'd think that I'd just forget about you. But no, of course, my step dad would start staying late to work on his boat and my little sister wouldn't really see him unless it was a weekend. Which, in a manner of speaking is pretty  much what you did. 

You weren't working on a boat, no. but you always got up to  go to work before I was even close to getting up for school, and I was always asleep for AT LEAST two hours before you got home every single night.

So when my little sister starts crying at the dinner table tonight because she misses her dad because he's never home anymore, I tell her I know how she feels. Momma gives me this looks and tells me "Don't do that to her." 

In unbelief, I sit there looking at her then reply. "Do what? Sympathize??" Momma looks away and I excuse myself to come back to my room. 

Sitting in here and thinking, I realize how much I actually miss you, even after what you did. From telling my six year old self that if me and my mother were on the side of the road in a burning car that you'd just pick me up and drive off, too disowning me completely. 

I'm sitting here crying, because I remember how we used to be, as well. I was such a daddy's girl. Such a tomboy. I hated it if you said I was girly. We used to play around all the time when you were still home. I was Daddy's Little Princess, even though I hated the girly term.

My main train of thought right now is, yeah. I've got a dad. Jerry is pretty cool and he tries his hardest to treat me like he would treat his own daughter. Which I am. It gets awkward sometimes, but I mean, he is a step dad. It happens. But all I can think is, I want MY dad back. 

Not the dad who left for some prissy doctor and her child. The dad who would put me on his shoulders and run around the yard with me. Not the dad who perfers a step child to blood. The dad who I had movies nights with and watched so many superhero movies with. The dad who would joke all the time and almost never stop laughing. 

But then the work came, then the divorce. 

Even when I still came over to you and your wife's house, she treated me like I wasn't worth the dirt under her feat. and you didn't do shit to stop her.  The last time I left that house, my final thought was, "some dad you turned out to be."

Rants.Where stories live. Discover now