My Baby Girl

Jasmine. 

Jazzy.

My princess.

I love you so much.

Probably more than I'd want to admit.

Throughout my childhood, you've been there.

You've let my snuggle you, tears and snot soiling your white fur.

Gave my kisses when I needed them.

Sat through hours of me taking to you like a maniac.

You easily became my best friend since day one.

I remember the day I chose you.

As a small six year old, I was afraid of dogs.

Even ones that could now fit in my hands.

There I was, in someone's backyard.

More than a few white fluffs attacking my feet to my dismay. 

But not you.

You were off doing your own thing, under a swing.

"That one!"

You were the immidiate choice.

You were not wild, nor attacking my feet.

You were also the smallest, my little runt.

We were runts together, sweetie.

But you weren't that way for long.. well you're still a runt.

No longer the calm one.

Not much longer than bringing you home, you showed us you had an attitude.

Days filled with you barking, going after our toes, and shaking your butt.

My sassy lil thang.

Sadly, I wasn't ready for a pet at that age.

I am still haunted by the games I would play with you as an ignorant kid.

The time I forgot I trapped you under a laundry hamper,

To when I tried giving you a piggy back ride. 

You stayed as loyal as could be, forgiving my naive mind.

I can't forgive myself though.

"Jasmine, smoochy poo, baby girl, jazzy!"

I remember yelling out through the our old house, getting ready to take you on a walk.

Oh how you loved walks, and when I called you that.

You'd come running at me, tail wagging and all.

When we moved and I didn't have to walk you everyday, I feel as though I distanced myself.

I mean you're still my little spoon at night, but not so much in the day. 

I started to forget how much I'd use to see you. 

Now that you had to spend most of the day, trapped in a room.

To that I also blame myself.

If only I had somehow blocked Daisy from you and kept you safe.

After all, you're my baby and I didn't protect you.

I was RIGHT there. I saw it happen.

I saw the terror in your eyes and she bit into your back.

I never told anyone, but for months, even still, I get nightmares of it happening again.