I felt it happening as if I were a castle of ice and I were thawing under the blistering heat of the sun.
The emptiness I felt...the anger...swelling inside of me like unsought demons that had been laying dormant in the pit of my stomach while I swooned.
I had swooned...Haden't i?
I decided tonight, not to tell him of the twinkling of emotions I have for him. The beautiful ringlets of memories like undeveloped film of our future as a couple.
There was always a constant curiosity what his hands, lips, and body felt like.
I decided not to tell him of my desire for him.
I instead decided to set him free from me.
To find someone better.
For a moment he was mine and I had everything I desired.
After a moment he was gone, and he took my desire with him.
I sit here in what feels like a shell I have created of myself, something of my own doing, something dying and rotting as hallow as a gutted fish blistering with flies.
I feel the pain in my heart as he slowly churns the knife with his promise of friendship.
His retaliation of how he plans to treat me different. In both his and my eyes far worse then before.
To be loveless is something I had come to be used to before him, striving for friendship, praying for attentions.
But when he came, he gave me attention without asking.
I didn't have to try to get him to be happy, he just was.
But tonight, I broke his heart, and I broke it completely.
Selfishly I lie in this shell of a body that contains me and I bleed out words I cut from my own wrist and shed from my own doing.
In the shadows of my room and the pitch black silence of the night, I sit in physical pain uttering soft words my lips are even too afraid to speak.
"Is this what heartbreak feels like?"
