After I Fade

A/N: Just a short one-chapter piece of what most likely happened once Diana announced her 1993 withdrawal from public life for a while...very emotional scene...enjoy!

After I Fade by CNJ

November 1993:

Diana:

I am relieved once the gathering is over. My announcement is also over. As I head out to my car, the cameras that seemed to have been waiting in the bushes seep out and flash once again.

Voices chatter, some at me, some at each other...I try to sort out the ones directed at me and try to smile at them, but my mouth feels stiff. My heart begins to beat quickly, fluttering inside my chest.

The sense to just get out of the public and someplace safe becomes more urgent for me. Two cameras looming in front of me makes is difficult for me to move quickly and I feel a jolt of anxiety.

"Give us a smile before vanishing into a hole, Di," one of the camera people chides. The voice pounds in my ear, causing it to ring. It's much too loud for my comfort.

"Look at the darling princess, she's so exhausted..." another voice bangs into me.

"Ever since Charles left her for that other woman, she hasn't been the same...poor thing..."

Someone strokes my back, the hand moving dangerously close to my lower backside and I have to fight back a gasp. I am thankful my bodyguard is close by. He stops another person from coming to close to my face.

Eyes are just surrounding me, some grinning, some just peering at me, curious, curious to see if I will collapse, break down, scream...just give them more to feed to the tabloids...maybe some of them are looking for proof of my "instability." Maybe a few are from the Palace.

I'm feeling a trace of panic rising in me and I have to clasp my hands together to keep them from shaking. I have a terrible feeling that if I break down right here in public view, this will be it for me...Charles and Philip will have won, proven their case that I am "unfit," "unbalanced."

My bodyguard manages to shield me from any other physical intrusions. We're at the car, but I am so frightened by now, I'm not sure if I'm fit to drive. I look over at Davis, silently pleading as I discreetly hold out my keys. Thankfully, he understands and takes them.

The shaking starts against my will as I climb in the back. I pray the still flashing cameras don't see it. The tightness starts in my jaw and I know tears are dangerously close.

"Home...please..." I manage to whisper. My hands really begin to shake and the tightness spreads to my throat. I am so thankful I am in the safety of the car.

Davis drives toward Kensington Palace through the gathering late autumn dusk. I think he senses that I am close to the edge because he drives through the roads with the least amount of traffic, even though it is the evening rush.

We make it home just in time. The tears rush into my eyes just as I am getting out of the car. Davis softly puts a hand on my shoulder and we walk up to Kensington Palace.

What a relief it is to be back in my apartments...tears of relief along with the emotional pain spill down my face as I take my jacket off and hang it on the rack. I change from my black dress into an old sweatshirt and loose khaki pants and start to whimper.

"Oh, darling..." Olivia, one of my ladies-in-waiting comes from one of the closets.

She gives me a hug. I try to speak, but only can manage a long whimper. Then a burst of sobs explodes from me.