The Lady of the Forest

Tire Swings

I lift up into the air watching blue sky and then green grass. Blue, green, blue, green, blue, green. But then I'm suddenly falling, I'm counting the blades of grass, I'm watching an ant take another step, and I can see the breeze shifting through the air. Then I feel the blades of grass caress my body. Next, I meet the earth it gives slightly but the rocks still jar themselves at my soft flesh and try to tear further, trying to reach my unbreachable heart. The dirt compact still tries to bruise and soften my body, trying to assist the rocks. I don't cry out, I stand up, I smooth out my white dress and I get back on the tire swing.

My barefoot feet are stained brown and red and send me a stinging sensation that is incredibly clear in my numbness. The pattern returns. Blue, green, blue, green, blue, green. But this time I'm falling and it is a splat. I cringe my eyes open, and am greeted by two feet they are barefoot too. But these are not my feet. These feet are clean and big, they are so very big, and they don't bleed, they aren't sending small darts of pain to their owners. T

hen another intruder enters it's a hand, a hand reaching through the jumble of my numbness and its breaking through. Blue, green, blue, green, I think. But the hand isn't gone and then my ears are assaulted. "Rin, Rin, I'm sorry." And the voice is deep and suddenly the pattern is gone and there is a buzzing. Blue, gree- But I'm interrupted from trying to find normalcy and bliss, a drop splats onto my hand. It still has the warmth of a human body as it hits me. And here I am an ice block beginning to thaw out. Blue, green, blue... But it isn't working, the intruder is still there and more drops of warmth are assaulting me. And my numbness is being sucked dry.

And now I'm starting to feel and any bliss I've found is gone. It hurts, bam bam bam, that is my heart right now. I have enough composure not to cry out. In my mind I think, go away, go away, go away. But then why is there some part of me screaming for help. Bam bam bam. It speeds up the hand is coming closer, I am a wild animal cornered. My eyes close and it is black black black. I pretend there was no hand, no alien feet. There is nothing it is just me in this blackness. Black black black, but heart is still going bam bam bam. And drops of warmth are stil drop-drop-dropping.

And then fingers are in my hair, they stroke through it. I tighten up, stop, no. I didn't ask for help. I'm at peace here. The rocks are fighting to tear at me and the dirt gives very little. I am happy here with my blue sky and green grass. And the darkness behind my eyelids. I'm alone. And all I ever have to hear is the bam bam bam of my heart. There are no voices to assault my ears. Leave, I think. And then return to my chant, black, black, black. But the hand is still there, it is gentle and I want to scream out loud. But my voice has left me long ago. It abbandoned me, driven out by my wish for solitude. I need only my thoughts to speak, but those are filled with my most important thoughts. Those are filled with my patterns. Blue, green, blue, green.

I need my patterns. No, I am my patterns. I'm unchanging and unshapable I am unaging I am and I will ocntinue to be. All I need is to stay on the tire swing going back and forth and back and forth blue green blue green. I will stay with the protection of this thoughtlessness. I will shield myself from the memories. owever, I can still remember those times were clear images and complex sounds came back to me and the headaches came. Then I was drowning in my pool of blood. I was bleeding out my numbness, the water that had once kept me a frozen ice block.

But now there is a new threat, a new sound accompanying the bam bam bam of my heart. There are still those warm drops fighting against me, my cold tries to fight it off, but they burn into me, they are trying to melt me. Those drops are trying to shape me, the impenetrable. And I know I'm too late. I'm sucumbing... And then again.

"Rin I truly am sorry"

"I know"