By Aashna Pandya
I could decipher certain shapes swirling in front of my eyes, but most of them were obscure scribbles made with bright neon pens. "Are you ok Audi?" a muddled voice perks up to my ears and I turn my face to meet the voice but all I see is a pair of concerned eyes roaming around my body. Groans leave my mouth as I try to sit up but my body fails me and I fall back onto what I had realized was a hospital bed. The man behind the mask- 'You can call him the doctor Audi' the voice speaks. It's been too long since I heard from it- rushes towards me to push my body up again.
"What happened?" my own hoarse voice surprises me as I look around finally making sense of my surrounds, "Do you remember anything from two nights ago Mr. Parker?" the doctor inquires while writing whatever doctors write in their note pads but that wasn't what caught my attention, it was the fact that he was incessantly tapping his foot. The clanking noise his shoes made against the metal stool made my want to grind my teeth in discomfort. "Can you stop that" I snap at the man and the voice drops immediately. I notice that my voice is still a few decibels lower than my own; it doesn't seem like my voice at all! 'It must be the voice again' I think and I feel a scratch at the back of my head. The sensation all too familiar, it was the voice itching to speak again.
To answer his question, no I don't remember anything from two nights ago. My mind still feels like an indistinct mess of thoughts but the last thing I remember is feeling something cold engulf my body. I voice my thoughts to the doctor and the scribble gains speed. After a minute he looks up to me and says "I am Dr. Shaw an ER Surgeon at St. Bonaventure's Hospital. You jumped from the city bridge Mr. Parker. The cops are patrolling outside waiting for to wake up to record your statement. You are lucky to have been found uninjured apart from just a concussion and blood loss which usually causes a temporary comatose state of mind" Seeing my scrunched brows he continues, "You had been in coma for 3 days Audi". The digital clock on the wall read 10:00 March 5 2018. My eyes widen as those red numbers burn into my head.
I had missed it. I never miss my sweet Jane's birthday but it was all too late now. The least I could do now is visit her and apologize. 'Some father you are Audi. Tch' the voice patronizes me.
A nurse enters the room before I can give it a piece of my mind. Ha! The irony!
"Doctor is Mr. Parker's family wants to know if he is open to visitors. Mr. Parker?" I nod my head feebly unable to get a word out. They came? They came! 'They are here to take you away daddy. Don't go with them' the voice- Jane's voice pleads to me. "No and when can I leave Doc?" I ask.
"Just let us run some tests and if everything is fine you can leave by tomorrow"
"But just tell those people to leave"
"Will do but May I ask why sir?" the confused medic asks.
"They will send me back and Jane doesn't want me to go" I reply.
I feel two pairs of eyes stare at my, both holding a thousand questions before they suddenly start to multiply in front of me. The voices muddle up again and the shapes return. Everything is too bright. 'They gave you Midazolam Audi. Sleep tight' is the last thing I hear even though their lips don't seem to be moving.
Seven days have passed when I wake up again. This time I wake up with an unambiguous mind and my surroundings more defined. When the doctor comes to check I am looking out the window at the clear sky.
"How do you feel?"
"Better. When can I leave?"
"Good. Now we already ran the tests and everything seems to be fine but we would like to monitor you for another day" he replies with a warm smile. The kind that tells you everything is fine. Jane smiles like that. 'One more day daddy and then you are free' the voice or Jane- I can't even tell. It has been days since I heard from it.
"Can I get some water and some ibuprofen for my head please?"
"Sure. And Mr. Parker I would like for you to meet someone if you would allow me. He is an exceptional therapist who can help you with your situation"
Therapist. That word sent anger billowing through me.
"And why do you think I need to see one Doc?" The dark tone of my voice startled the doctor.
It was funny that I didn't even bother calling him by his name. People didn't seem to faze me much. The only person who mattered to me was my Jane and I needed to meet her as soon as possible.
"You tried to kill yourself Audi! Maybe seeing a therapist will put whatever you have in your mind at rest. It may give you some clarity of thought. Think about it."
"Are you insinuating something doctor? I will not see a shrink because I am not crazy nor am I suicidal. It is just that persistent voice but it goes away when I sleep so that is what I want to do right now. As my doctor I think you should just go back to monitoring me and telling me when to leave. I hate hospitals and doctors alike." This man was starting to fuel my anger and knowing it this would not end well
With a resigned sigh the man left me alone – well not exactly, I was never alone- and I went back to staring at the sky.
I was discharged the day but I will always remember how dejected and disappointed Dr. Shaw looked.
'You said his name daddy'
I did little bean! And now I am coming to see you soon.
-
It was the morning of 13th March and Dr. Shaw sat in his cabin going through some news before he began his day filled with tedious surgeries.
As the clock struck 10:01 his phone fell from his hand and he felt tremors coarse through his body.
The broken phone displayed a news report dated to 12th March. It read,
30 year old man suffering from schizophrenia takes his life near his daughter's grave.
A man called Audi Parker.
The voice inside his head had finally done it.
The puppeteer had won.
