Dysfunction Over Time

PROLOGUE

Dysfunction Over Time

Prologue

Drowning. Suffocating. Intoxicating. No one can save me from your clutches. So painfully sweet, I can barely breathe. Your cruel bitter smile that I had always wanted to heal. There's so much distance and coldness between us. How can everything fall apart so easily?

"I will taint your innocence. You are mine and I will engrave this into your very soul and being until you understand this." I don't mind being dragged down anymore. If I'm sinking into these freezing waters with him then it doesn't matter. 

“Do you know what hurts? That in the end, I’m nothing but a pawn to you, a plaything. Never once have you told me that you care about me. I’m done with this! Being with you is like...having a storm boiling inside of me! It’s so painful ... my heart is clenching and I can’t breathe anymore around you. I’m suffocating. I hate that even after I’ve left it's like you’re everywhere. Your touch, your gaze, you cruel words. How long have I endured alone?” 

“Have I treated you that badly? Your pride, I want to break it. I want to mess with you until there’s nothing left of you. Of me. Of  us. ” He leaned closer, I shivered as his fingers trailed over my cheek. “Every hair on your head.” He tugged on my head back so that I was forced to look at him. 

 “These eyes of yours,” He kissed my eyelids on by one. “Your soft lips,” He licked my lips, biting my bottom lip. My mouth parted open, and he took that chance to put his tongue in. He kept it slow, and a bit cold. I grasped into him, kissing into him desperately. I need him, more than I need air. 

 He parted, and I gasped for breath. “Your heart, soul, mind, body, everything belongs to me.” He pushed me flat onto my back, his hands everywhere. “All of me belonged to you a long time ago.” I felt my tears slipping out of the corners of my eyes. He licked the tears away, and I reached up to tighten my hands in his hair. 

I closed my eyes, the tears continuing to fall one by one. There is no relief for us other than that of the warm body of one another. To live on with all the hardships that we’ve faced, this is our last resort. We clinging to each other out of our saddness and pain. 

I hold him closer, yet he’s not close enough. Why is it that no matter how tightly we try to bind ourselves together, we never become one? Why is it that after everything we’ve faced, we still cannot be together?

All these thoughts are discarded as lust and a red haze settles over me. 

 “Maybe we shouldn’t be together anymore.” I couldn’t look at him. How can I face him? He captured my chin, forcing me to look at him. “Even if we are apart, I’ll engrave everything about me into you, so that’s you’ll never forget me.” He said, his face cruel and stone while his eyes shone with some unidentified emotion. 

         “You can call me a bastard or whatever you like. The fact that you’re mine will never change." 

Things are spiraling out beyond my reach. Everything seems foreign, comfort stripped away. There is no such thing as warmth anymore.

I think it's ironic. We were created to become strong, withstand the weathers of time, and be forever beautiful. As more time passes, even if we are unchanging, we become more brittle and fragile. Never would I admit my weakness to you. 

Feeling empty without you, drowning when I am with you, I don't know how I feel anymore. In this twisting inescapable dream, the corners are starting to be lit on fire. Ashes of the dream start to be carried by the breeze.

We had such empty truths, meaningful lies, I was always wary around you. It seems yesterday you were the warmest spring and comfortable summer breeze, now you're the frosty winter with no refuge. I wince every time my heart skips a beat for you.

I don't want you to know how many times I cried for you, or all the sleepless nights because of you. A savior will not come for me, I am long forgotten and tossed away. That is our fate. To become cherished and loved one moment, then stored away like a child's toy.

Love is a fleeting distant dream for us. I met him in the middle of the millions of stars, out of all the milky galaxies. 

Ignorance is bliss.  He wraps me in that cold cruelness of his, I feel numb. Even if I had refused that day, wouldn’t have mattered. The instant I crossed paths with them, my fate had already begun. He intoxicates me, everything about him is so sickly sweet that it make me sick. Yet I can’t quit him, I’m not sure why. He’s like sugary sweets, just a taste and it overwhelms me. Suffocating, cold, too close, too distant, passionate, why do I even associate with this difficult man?