Get Lost

Chapter 2

I step out of the car and kiss my mom goodbye.

"Good luck, honey. You're gonna be okay. I promise."

I give her a thankful smile and start walking towards my building. Yesterday I found out, Pearl killed herself by jumping in front of a train. We talked about suicide once and how we'd do it, just for 'fun'. She said she didn't want her mother to find her and that it had to be quick, but didn't give me a concrete answer. 

It's still really early and I don't want to go inside yet. I take place on a little, stone wall and just play a game for a couple of minutes. When I look up, I see one of my classmates. 

"Hey, fatty!"

"Hey, ugly!"

I hug JJ and for a splitsecond, I just don't know what to talk about. JJ already started making inappropriate jokes. I sigh relieved. JJ is one of the best persons I've ever met. In the beginning, i actually hated him. He actually tried to flirt with me, through a fight. After a few months of hating, a teacher forced us to sit together. JJ asked if he could drew a dick on my arm and I said yes and that's how we became friends.

"Applesauce."

"What?" I crinkle my nose as I look at JJ.

"She's applesauce right now. That's how I imagine she looks. She can't still be one piece now, right."

"I don't even wanna think about that now J."

A few teachers approach and JJ stands up. I watch him walk towards them and shake some hands.

"You coming?"

"Nah. I'm gonna wait outside for Luna."

He smiles at me and walks away with the teachers, probably talking about how tragic everything is.

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It's quiet when I walk into the classroom. F107. In front of the room there are some small bottles of spa, or you can grab a cup of tea. I take a bottle and walk to a seat in the back of the room. Luna sits next to me and you can almost taste the tension. We sit like that for a while and after 10 minutes the teachers walk in. There's one man I don't recognize. We start the day, we read and pray. Our mentor starts talking.

"I don't have much experience with this kind of situation and I'm glad about that. I want to share the day program with you guys. First we begun the day with God's word, then a psychologist, mister Ras is gonna talk to you all, it's part of the process."

You can hear the whole class sigh as he says this. A shrink. Ugh.

"After that, the program is free. People can say something and there's no one in school today so you can go wherever you want. Around 12 o'clock we're going to thank the lord, no matter how hard that is."

He waits a few seconds so we can think about it. He asks "Mr. Ras" to talk. I close my eyes as the guy starts talking. I hate him already and that has nothing to do with how he is, just with what he is. He talks about how he didn't know Pearl, about how we're gonna process this, about how everything is gonna feel, like he actually knows us. After a quarter of an hour talking, he asks if we have questions and no one dares raise their hand.

"Let's push him out of the window."

Luna giggles and agrees. We talk to each other for a while and I try not to cry. It works for a while, but then Leah is reading a suicide letter that's directed to JJ. That's the moment I break down. I cry silently and gladly no one notices. The letter contains mostly 'sorry' and 'it's not your fault'.

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After the letter, we start walking towards the musicroom, which is almost next to F107. JJ takes place on a stool and starts playing. Pianomusic fills the room. Pearl loved playing the piano. She was amazingly talented. I look at the wall, because I don't want to see the faces of my classmates. Luna is sitting next to me and watches me with concern clear in her eyes. I act like I don't sense it.
After a little while she stand up and starts walking towards the restroom. I don't have to look at her to know that she's crying. My eyes fill themselves with tears and I can't hold them back anymore.

"Maybe you should go to the restroom too, Beau."

Luke puts his hand on my shoulder and I can't take it anymore. I kick the door and it slams against the wall. I'm angry. So, so fucking angry. As I open the door to the restroom I see Luna standing against the wall. Eyes red, tears streaming down her face. I walk towards her and hug her with all my strength as I break down in her arms.

"Don't you dare ever kill yourself. I'll burn you to the ground."

"I won't."