Guide To Survive

Chapter 19

Rebecca's POV

This is shit. Absolute and complete shit. I am currently sitting at a table with Harry at my left and John at my right. I have my brother infront of me who got here I don't even know when and who has now dropped the biggest bomb of existence on us.

"Are you guys disappointed in me?" Johnathan asked looking from his new 'friend' to us. Of course we're fucking disappointed in his sorry ass. How in the fuck can he be as to not realize he's fucking Mamba member, a member of the people who killed my first love, the people who killed Damien.

"Noooooo." John said way too quickly and too sarcastically to be believable.

"Shut up John. Yes we fucking are." I snapped, meeting my brothers hurt gaze.

"Why? Because I'm gay?" He snapped back, just as harshly.

"No but because your fucking a Mamba." I bit out what every one else had been to afraid to say since Johnathan and that boy first got here. He was fucking a member of the people who killed Damien.

 "What? No I'm not. Your imagining things." He said looking rather confused. Oh you've got to be kidding me. THis boy honestly couldn't be more naive.

"Yes you fucking are. Look under the collar of his shirt and you'll see the fucking tattoo. He helped Rey kill Damien adn yyou still dont believe me. Look for the tattoo it's there but once you find it don't come apoligizing to me." I said standing from my chair, making it scrape back and fall to the floor causing a loud noise in the prosses and ran out of the room. Good thing John had rented a private room for this dinner. I ran until I saw the headlights of the car that was coming straight at me. I didn't dare move. I stood frozen while the car quept getting closer nad the only thing running throught my mind is that I'm finally going to be able to join him. I thought that until the car was about a foot away from me and I was pulled away from the street and into the sidewalk by a strong tattooed arm. Harry.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" I screamed out.

"I could ask you the same thing. Lets go." He said grabbing my arm and dragging me back intot he restaurant. 

"You're such a fucking prick." I said as he pushed me down onto my chair. He just smiled and sat next to me. He placed his hand on my exposede knee under the table and squeezed, almost as if trying to reasure me everything would be okay but everything wasn't going to be okay. Life was fucked up. I killed people for a living and then I feel so sorry for myself that I cut myself, it's fucking pathetic nad I can admit it to myself that Ii'm a pathetic little shit anf that I'm not worth shit because it's true. By he gesture he was trying to tell me to calm down and that the storm was almost over but honestly I knew the worst was just to come. I knew that Sage was going to get me and possibly kill me nad honestly I didn't give a crap. I wanted to die. I wanted to be away from all this shit. NO matter where I went my past always seemed to fucking follow. 

I wish I could be pure and nice and innocent again. I couldn't be pure anymore, I had my hands stained with the blood all the people I had killed. I was a criminal, maybe not one on the run but a criminal all the same. We all were. We had all commited a crime at one point of another. I liked being a criminal, it gave me a sort of power over my life I had never had before but at the same time I wonder how it would have felt to just have been a normal girl getting through highschool and then college and then starting a family with the only guy I have ever loved. Sadly that couldn't happen because he was ripped from me. They killed him and now my fucking brother was assossiating with a man that helped kill him.

"Hey. Are you alright?" John whispered in my ear, leaning over to me as everyone in the table had a normal conversation. I now only noticed that my brothe, his date and Daniel were gone, I bet htat Johnathan saw the tattoo adn him and Daniel are going to kill the son of a bitch.