Mind

Madly

I can truly say that I'm going mad.

I've never felt so lonely in a crowd, nor so desperate for attention. I guess that's a really cringy thing to say or be, I'm not sure but, at the moment I don't have any friends, the ones I have from Portugal, well, I barely speak to them because I don't have wifi where I am and my grandparents are just as oblivious to how I feel as my parents. I think that maybe my aunt has caught a hint, but again, she has other and more important things to do than to take care of me and have deep conversations.

I started an English course where I'm living and it sucks because almost nobody speaks English there and I feel like my parents are just wasting money but my mum swears that it is good for me to "keep in touch" with English whilst I'm here but I call it bullshit. I'd preffer to continue with French....

There's another thing that's been bothering me a lot too.

There's this guy in my class that keeps staring at me and I've told him thousands of time to stop the gawking but he says he's a free man and what's beautiful is to be looked at. I blushed at that, but that doesn't make him any less creepy.

Mainly, I've been keeping it to myself. But I've heard people talking about me and they mostly just comment snide things like "she's such a thin nose, she never talks to anyone, bet she thinks she's better than us". And there is sometimes, comments like "I'm so scared of her, she looks so dangerous, she even looks like a spy", and yes, I know that is a weird thing to be said.

Anyway, tired of writing this evening.

Ttyl.