Mixed Emotion

Out of mind

I hate myself so much I'm so pathetic asf. Why do I expect so much to make people happy. When I'm not even happy myself. Nothing really matters to me but tryin to make the ones I care for proud. But I'm such a disappointment. No matter how I express on how I feel and the way feel its no point of explaining it to them. I can never express how I feel because it's always making it seem I want pitty or I'm being guilty.

I regret alotta of things in life that wish that never happened. Is that the reason the way I am today. I try to not let it get to me. I've been tryin to change who I am but yet I can't figure out who I really am and what I really want for myself.

I fuck everything up and when I mean everything I fuck everything up. I feel like I'm not worth it. I don't let that get to me. Just suck it up and don't let no one know Cause deep down even the ones you love won't understand. They won't understand what goes through ur mind. They won't understand the feeling u feel when you just feel your body tense up of feelin sad and cold inside like if it was chills.

I don't even know no more. I feel stupid, I can never explain how I really wanna explain. When it comes to things like this I sound stupid because who gonna understand. It may sound like a sad snobby tryin to make people feel pitty about me.

I'm unknown to y'all, and I know I'm not the only one who feels like this. I wanna make this as a diary cause why not. I'm so lame but oh well, no one gonna read this.